


Come For the Early (Stay For the Late)

by KASPIAN (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: First Time, Friendship/Love, High School, Love Triangles, M/M, Main!kaisoo, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:09:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KASPIAN
Summary: Kyungsoo has always wanted to be noticed.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Kyungsoo steps aside, nervously licking his lips as he stuffs his books into his bag, letting the others come through.

From the corner of his eye, he gazes upon the person stepping past him, whose shoulders are broad and the waist narrow – the form a bit lanky but proper nonetheless.

Bleached hair falls over the person’s eyes, not that Kyungsoo gets to see it, because the person merely looks to his side and slings a bag over his shoulder, trotting out of the room with a couple of friends in tow.

Kyungsoo’s eyes land on his own hands again, zipping his bag shut as he sighs.

He adjusts the straps and tugs it on, eyes at downcast while he walks home.

Baekhyun is sick today and Yifan is at the dentist, so he heads out alone.

His mind starts wandering elsewhere, especially when he rounds the corner around the music shop and spots the same broad shoulders from before in there, along with another pair whose form Kyungsoo briefly looks over before he starts walking faster and heads home.

The two of them have always been close.

Sehun and Jongin.

They are even closer now than they’ve ever been before, and other people know of it.

Being openly gay is still questioned, still looked down upon sometimes, but people have become more accepting.

Everyone knows that Sehun and Jongin are a couple and have been so for more than a year, and not many are iffy about it – because they are both known for their own reasons, hated for others, but have the same things in common.

They are known faces of the school, the final year students who are both very skilled in dancing, those who look unfairly good, just to add to the package, and who are both profitable on the grade chart.

They have their own group of other known faces, and Kyungsoo is not a part of it.

Kyungsoo has always just been… Mundane.

Tedious.

Boring, maybe.

Just average.

Has average grades and average looks.

Has always been known for being quiet – for some cute, for some intimidating with his thick brows and owl eyes, but often just as a wallflower, along with his snide best friends, Baekhyun and Yifan.

Many people are wallflowers – or are ordinary, just in-between, nothing at all or everything at once.

Most are content with it.

Kyungsoo is as well, but only to a certain extent.

When he gets home and fumbles with the keys, he hears chatter from his left side, and he doesn’t need to look up to know who it is, or who they are.

He’s been a little slow on his way home because he absolutely had to pet Miss Soujung’s cat and talk with the grocery keeper, and perhaps he’s been _too_ slow, because Sehun and Jongin stand on the other side, at the neighbor house, and are also fumbling with some keys to the door – chatting all the while.

Kyungsoo discreetly gazes from the corner of his eye once again, a task he’s become expertly good at through the years, and he sees how the boys lean close to each other, how Jongin gives Sehun a playful shove, laughing, and Sehun looks….

Sehun looks happy.

He’s got those momentary crinkles around his eyes, imitating crescent marks, and his teeth are bared in a wide smile he only puts on display for a few.

It’s easy to see that he’s in love.

A stone sinks to the pit of Kyungsoo’s stomach, and he quickly shuts himself into the house when Jongin turns his head, spots him and waves, while Sehun is looking at his phone.

Kyungsoo flumps down on his bed once he’s upstairs, and he takes the rubiks cube on his bed stand and starts fidgeting with it.

He has homework for tomorrow, but all he can pay attention to is the way a heavy feeling anchors in his stomach.

He thinks about what might happen in the house next to his own, in the opposite window of where Kyungsoo’s is. He only needs to look out to peek in, and has done that before, only to see what he’s least wanted to experience, or has always wanted to see.

He mostly sees two boys, soon men – seventeen, fatigued but happy, because they have each other, most likely.

Playful, flirtatious as they play video games, talk or do homework.

Sweating, moaning when they do other things.

Kyungsoo shuts the curtains so that only a few rays of sunshine can stream through to annoy his eyes from where he sits on his bed with his back against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest.

He hides his face in his kneecaps then, swallowing hard.

His heart is aching, and he wants it to stop.

Some days it’s unbearable, and sometimes he can feel content for months without unnecessary feelings plaguing his mind.

It’s just been very strict, lately.

The seams of his throat draw together and he feels like he can’t breathe, fingertips tingling – longing, wanting to touch, to hold, to take and to give.

Being average is not bad, he thinks.

But being overlooked by someone he wants to get noticed by—has always wanted to be seen by, settles a deep tremor in his heart.

It started when he was a kid.

He’s always been in the background.

Sehun and Jongin were together back then, too – best friends, having fun.

Running around in the kindergarten, as Kyungsoo would sit in the sandbox and fumble with a set of blocks on his own for the most of the time, until Yifan and Baekhyun came to, who’ve been his starter kit and always held him high.

Kyungsoo always had a good time with his friends, but even as a kid he would look up when a familiar laughter rung in his ears, and he would look over his shoulder to see the duo together, maybe with Moonkyu and Taemin, but usually just the two of them.

Sehun would laugh there too, even if he looked cold most of the time, as he still does.

He always had a smile saved for Jongin.

Kyungsoo wanted to be his friend.

He wanted to see that smile directed towards himself even when he was just a kid and had lost his front milk teeth, drawling when he for the first time tried to bond with Sehun by offering him some of his favorite play blocks.

Sehun had just given him a cold glance and then looked away, rejecting.

Jongin had held his hands out to take them, but Kyungsoo walked away in defeat.

Kyungsoo tried to connect with Sehun through kindergarten, yet to no avail.

They grew up and got into the same classes, all the way up to high school and to where they are now.

Yet Sehun has never looked Kyungsoo’s way, and Kyungsoo has always just been a quiet kid with that loudmouth of a friend and the dragon-looking giant with sheepish jokes but a gruff attitude.

Kyungsoo hasn’t really been anything, he guesses.

His friends say he is and some others do too, but all Kyungsoo can focus on is that the one he wants to be seen by barely knows they have ‘known’ each other since early childhood.

They have different social circles, different looks and different interests.

They’re just not meant to be.

Kyungsoo knows this, but nothing changes how much he’s in love with Oh Sehun, and has been for years, ever since he saw Sehun pick flowers in kindergarten and Kyungsoo thought he had such a pretty face despite the usual frown marring the sharp features there.

The crush has not always been a menace, because Kyungsoo is not an unhappy person, but it comes back every now and then to taunt, just to tell that today Kyungsoo can’t help but to think that Sehun’s newly bleached hair looks so good, and his answer in calculus is smart, and his moves are on point.

It only became worse when Sehun and Jongin officially started dating more than a year ago.

It wasn’t visible in school, but they starting taking it home and into Sehun’s room, just two windowpanes away from Kyungsoo, who made it a habit to shut the curtains.

Throughout the years, Kyungsoo hasn’t tried to make a move on Sehun – ever since kindergarten.

They’ve done group work sometimes in school with them discussing stuff or with Jongin including Kyungsoo in the conversation where Sehun shrugs in response.

There was that one time Sehun bunted a ball away from Kyungsoo in dodgeball during gym back when they were fifteen, even if Jongin was the one who brought Kyungsoo to the school’s nurse when Kyungsoo got a ball on the nose.

Kyungsoo’s heartbeat would speed up whenever Sehun looked his way, only for it to drop dangerously when he noticed that Sehun was just looking past him anyway.

Puberty came along, and Sehun has grown to become tall and refined with the dancing he does, performing for the whole school sometimes, and Kyungsoo’s mouth falls agape each time in amazement, eyes glued on him and not on the dancer beside him whose eyes are on Kyungsoo in return.

Kyungsoo lets a familiar row of nausea stride through his system before he groans and ruffles his hair, telling himself it doesn’t matter anyway.

It never has.

He’s just excited for when he has to leave for college.

Or so he was.

Until he just recently found out that Sehun is aiming to go to the same one with Jongin too, but on a different line though.

Kyungsoo smudges the upcoming tears away and grits his teeth. He’ll escape – one day. It’s just a matter of time.

All he knows is that Sehun has a lover in his sheets, and Kyungsoo wonders why it’s not himself.

Sehun starts looking at him.

The first time it happens is a week later, only a month through the final year, and Kyungsoo’s heartbeat speeds up immediately this fine day, this lovely day where Sehun walks in and his eyes land on the owl-eyed boy.

However, Kyungsoo is to gulp and shrink into his seat, because the stare is venomous.

Sehun’s eyebrows are furrowed, and it looks like he’s taking Kyungsoo’s whole appearance in, his self, and immensely dislikes what he sees with such an intensity it has Kyungsoo’s heart stopping instead.

Kyungsoo’s palms turn sweaty, and for the rest of the day, for the rest of the week, a gaze with spitfire is glued to the back of his head throughout class, lingers even during the breaks where Kyungsoo does his best to hide behind Yifan’s form – where even Baekhyun snaps and says _‘the hell is that fuckboy’s problem?’_

Kyungsoo has always wanted to be noticed.

However, now he just wants to disappear.

He’s not sure what might have happened between the lines, or what he might’ve done wrong, since Sehun seems to be targeting him.

Something blanches inside him today as he walks in the cafeteria, because he’s tripped and falls face first into his food in front of the most of the school, put on display.

The guilty one is no other that Sehun himself, who otherwise has harmed no one for all the time Kyungsoo has known him.

Kyungsoo stays home during the next days due to how he can’t stop crying, can’t contain the stone that anchors in his stomach, continuing to grow into a boulder.

He barely realizes how Sehun’s best friend and lover, Jongin, has stayed in the other side of the classroom ever since the glares started, or that Sehun and Jongin haven’t been talking at all.

Kyungsoo doesn’t come back for some days and fakes illness, even to the point where Baekhyun comes over and tries to wrestle him out of bed.

Nothing can make him want to come back to that.

Nothing makes him want to return to a place where he feels like he wants to melt into the wall, when all he has dreamt of for the past many years has been to be in the spotlight from a certain person’s perspective.

However, a knock on the door startles him out of his zombie-mode, just as he’s about to watch another movie of One Piece and lull himself into an imaginary world where nothing hurts and it’s all about friendship, courage, adventure and not romance.

He drapes his duvet over his shoulders – lucky he took a shower this morning so that he doesn’t look like the resemblance of Sadako as he opens the door downstairs and peeks out.

His eyes widen when he traces the person before him.

Jongin stands there, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, wearing a simple t-shirt, a snapback and some sneakers.

His hair has grown a little longer, has a curl to it – something Kyungsoo has never noticed before.

‘’Hey,’’ Jongin says, and it looks like he’s surprised Kyungsoo even opened the door.

He scratches the back of his neck and holds a hand there, looking down at his shoes and then up again, face expression strained but eyes inquiring and genuine.

Kyungsoo’s mind is buzzing with question marks clotting his view, and he stares for a long time.

‘’Jongin?’’ he says. ‘’What are you doing here?’’

Jongin startles. ‘’You haven’t been in school… lately,’’ he says, stuttering slightly – ‘’so- so I thought I’d check up on you,’’ he gulps, and somehow resembles an oversized puppy, long fingers tugging in the hem of his shirt.

Kyungsoo is outwitted and not sure what to do. He hasn’t expected Jongin to come here, or knows why Jongin even would.

Since Sehun dislikes Kyungsoo as of lately, Jongin should too.

‘’I’m… I’m fine,’’ Kyungsoo says, tugging the duvet closer.

Jongin has an unfathomable look in his eyes, and he doesn’t move.

‘’Sehun is- ‘’ he starts, and this catches Kyungsoo’s interest.

‘’Sehun’s just not feeling well lately, and he’s taking it out on you. Don’t… don’t mind it. It’s got nothing to do with you.’’

Kyungsoo blinks his eyes. It’s got nothing to do with him?

He’s not sure if this should make him feel better or just worse.

It never has anything to do with him if the matter is about Sehun.

Kyungsoo has no business with Sehun, no matter what he does, no matter how long he waits or how much his heart pines, hopes and desires.

He pulls his lower lip in between teeth and tries to swallow the lump in his throat, but it only grows bigger and so unbearable, as it’s always been.

Before he knows of it, two arms are around him, and he finds his face pressed into a firm chest.

It’s Jongin who’s hugging him, with a secure but warm grip – an embrace that Kyungsoo has wanted, has longed for in some way.

Kyungsoo barely realizes how tears have started streaking down his cheeks, but now he lets it out, and his duvet slinks down onto the floor as he grabs at Jongin and cries into his chest, shoulders moving for each sob.

He ends up crying until his throat is sore and his breath hitches when he hiccups, and he feels embarrassed Jongin has to see him this way, Sehun’s best friend and lover, but Jongin only smudges the tears away and hugs him tighter, running a hand down Kyungsoo’s back.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know why Jongin is here, or why Jongin is comforting him, holding him, caring about him.

However, they end up in Kyungsoo’s room after he’s calmed down, and they’ve made tea for the both of them, sitting on the bed with their backs against the wall.

Kyungsoo is not sure what he’s supposed to say.

Suddenly, Jongin is just there, and their shoulders are brushing. Jongin gives Kyungsoo’s hand a squeeze, as if he knows what Kyungsoo is going through – knows it by heart.

Jongin doesn’t ask why Kyungsoo doesn’t come to school.

Instead, they share a comfortable silence and just sit there, sipping tea, and Kyungsoo offers to go dress himself but Jongin tells him he doesn’t need to.

‘’Sehun and I broke up,’’ Jongin suddenly says, and Kyungsoo perks up amidst a sip.

‘’Did he break up with you?’’ a pinch of hope rests in Kyungsoo’s voice, but at the same time there’s nothing to find given how Sehun has treated him lately.

‘’No,’’ Jongin clears his throat. ‘’I did.’’

Kyungsoo lowers the cup on his lap, taking the words in.

‘’Why?’’ he asks.

Jongin looks down and into his own mug of tea, observing the swirl.

‘’I only see him as a good friend.’’

It sounds like there’s more he wants to say.

He sucks in a sharp inhale of air, jaw setting. ‘’I like someone else, is what I mean.’’

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows rise, and he waits for an elaboration, but Jongin says no more than that.

‘’Are you okay?’’ he asks then, because Jongin _doesn’t_ look like he’s okay.

Jongin smiles at this, for some reason – somehow bitterly. ‘’Don’t worry about me. Right now I’m just… figuring things out with Sehun so that we can be friends again – I hope.’’

He continues. ‘’But I know that…. I know that _you_ are not feeling okay. I’ve been stupid, but what Sehun is doing is not okay, and I won’t accept it.’’

Kyungsoo is curious, but he doesn’t know much about Jongin – doesn’t know where he’s allowed to pry.

‘’Just let it pass. Sehun will get good again, okay?’’

Kyungsoo nods, hoping for the best. His heart still aches, but the boulder in his stomach shrinks a

bit.

Having Jongin here is nice, somehow.

It’s not something that has crossed Kyungsoo’s mind, though.

‘’Okay,’’ he says. He scratches his cheek, wanting to say more.

He looks up at Jongin, and feels himself smile. ‘’Thank you, Jongin.’’

Jongin stills for a moment, but then returns it, somehow bashfully, looking down again. ‘’Don’t fret it,’’ he mumbles, but it’s kind.

‘’Hey…,’’ Kyungsoo starts.

Jongin looks up.

‘’Do you like One Piece?’’

‘’Do I like it?’’ Jongin gets a gleam in his eyes. ‘’I love it.’’ Kyungsoo can’t help the grin that escapes his lips.

‘’I’m watching one of the movies right now- and- um. I was wondering, since you’ve come here and all, and, uh – just- uh- do you want to watch it with me?’’ he trails off, and then splutters ‘’but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to!’’

Jongin rearranges his seat, laughing again, and it has a nice ring to it - a light rumble. ‘’Sure, why not?’’ he says.

Kyungsoo feels smitten by it.

While he meddles with his laptop, he catches Jongin stare from the corner of his eye.

Even when he looks up, Jongin continues to look into his eyes, unfaltering.

The look in Jongin’s eyes makes Kyungsoo feel a little flustered, but also makes his heartbeat speed up.

It makes him feel like he’s been seen, has been noticed – and that there’s only him.

That it has always been him.

Kyungsoo is busy with the questions scribbled on the paper before him, but he catches himself looking up and over his shoulder when a familiar laughter rings in his ears, one merry and nice.

Yet he stiffens, because the melody belongs to a boy with mocha brown hair with a curl to it, where a tan hand is pushing the bangs back as a smile widens on the owner’s lips – grinning at a joke Chanyeol has spouted even if the teacher tells them to be quiet.

Jongin gives Chanyeol a playful shove as it goes, and he always moves whenever he laughs, pushes around or claps his hands when someone tells a joke that he finds funny.

Next to him, Sehun sits, nose buried in his phone as per the usual, though he comments on the wordings as well, lips parted in a quirky grin that has become less strained through time since a tension has mellowed out.

Jongin’s gaze darts up though, as if he can feel Kyungsoo’s gaze on him, and when he sees the owl-eyed boy sit a row further ahead, the grin turns an inch wider and he sends a subtle wave of his hand that no one else sees.

Kyungsoo barely gets to respond, squeaking under his breath as he whips his head back to his homework and stares down, his heart rate speeding up and cheeks feeling hot all of sudden.

His mind feels a little fogged.

Has been feeling a little hazy as of lately.

A month has gone by since Jongin came to comfort and look up on Kyungsoo – since Sehun finally noticed Kyungsoo but not really the way Kyungsoo had expected him to.

Since the day Jongin comforted Kyungsoo, Sehun has stopped the targeting, though vile glances are continuously thrown Kyungsoo’s way, and the latter still gets the urge to melt into the wall or to shrink into himself.

Jongin is always there though, jabbing an elbow into Sehun’s side, giving him a look that Kyungsoo doesn’t understand, while Sehun huffs and, for some reason, looks crest-fallen – but also as if he’s understood all along.

Kyungsoo is not sure what he is to believe.

He hasn’t conversed with Jongin throughout the month, even if they had a great time back then and ended up watching three One Piece movies so that Jongin went home in darkness since it got so late.

Kyungsoo had, however, noticed that Jongin didn’t go home, but went to the neighbor house, where there was still light in Sehun’s window.

It turns out that Jongin’s talk about getting on good terms with Sehun has helped, because they sit together now in class and in the cafeteria too, just as close as before, but then again, not really.

There’s a new distance between them and Kyungsoo notices; he sees that Sehun sometimes throws an arm around Jongin, but then takes it down again. How Sehun’s fingers sometimes clench in his pants when Jongin laughs and pats his bicep, where the brunet would usually have embraced him instead.

Just as before, Sehun looks like he’s still in love.

It’s been some time since they assumed to have broken up, and everyone knows of it, but nobody knows why it happened, considering how they seemed so happy together.

They look happy together now as well, but it’s just different.

Jongin has always been very physical, a koala sometimes, but Kyungsoo notices that the way he’s touched Sehun in public has never been in the overly affectionate way as Sehun does it, even if Sehun is a very reserved person.

Kyungsoo has just been blinded by his own self-loathing and with jealousy to notice that Jongin has seemingly never put as much of a romantic regard into the relationship as Sehun might’ve done.

It can be seen now, though.

Now that some things are clear, and Kyungsoo remembers Jongin’s words.

_‘’I like someone else.’’_

Kyungsoo rolls his pen between his fingers and taps the eraser by the end of the stick against the table, gaze flickering down. He feels heavy in his chest, but in a different way.

Somehow, he can’t help but to feel bad for Sehun. He feels bad for Sehun, because Jongin was right; Sehun hasn’t been feeling well lately, even if it’s become slightly better.

Kyungsoo blanches at the thought of unrequited love, and about how hard it must be for Sehun that his boyfriend broke up just as they looked like they were at the peak.

Maybe they never were.

Relationships can be skewed and tricky things, with many webbed tales included. Background histories, backtracked feelings and hidden ones too.

Kyungsoo clenches the pen in his palm and sighs aloud. The mere thought of being in Sehun’s position makes the self-pity lower itself immensely, though Kyungsoo has never really had much spare pity for himself, because he’s just been nothing. Being with Sehun has never been his business anyway, and he knows that – has always known that.

What Kyungsoo would give to be in Jongin’s feet is indescribable.

To be able to hold Sehun’s hand and be the key to one of his private smiles.

Jongin has disregarded this chance, because he’s chosen another path.

Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why. He can’t comprehend whom Jongin would give this up for.

It doesn’t make any sense, really – to Kyungsoo, at least.

Sehun strays Kyungsoo to the side, today.

Gently takes him by the bicep and asks if they can have a talk, and Kyungsoo is wide-eyed, palms feeling clammy and heart beating a hundred kilometers an hour.

He accepts nonetheless, not knowing what Sehun’s intentions are.

Sehun guides them to the shed behind the school building in the schoolyard.

It’s a cold morning and it’s the start of autumn, so there’s mild frost around, and their breath are prominent in the air, wafting out as transparent clouds.

‘’You… you wanted to talk to me?’’ Kyungsoo asks, trying to control his stutter. He doesn’t usually do such, but this is **_Sehun_**. Sehun is talking to him, directly, for the first time.

Sehun adjusts his jacket, and his lips are a little chapped from the crisp air. ‘’Yeah,’’ he says, sounding cold.

It softens though, and he nudges one heel into the dry, forlorn grass. ‘’I just… I’m sorry,’’ he begins.

Kyungsoo stiffens.

‘’I’m sorry for the past months – what I… what I did wasn’t fair. I was just jealous.’’ Kyungsoo is not sure if he understands what Sehun is talking about.

Sehun’s face expression is strained, eyebrows furrowed, and his lower lip shortly wobbles, and he takes a sharp inhale of air. ‘’Take good care of Jongin, okay?’’ Kyungsoo swallows thickly.

But why?

He nods, though. Can’t do anything but to nod.

The boulder in his stomach grows.

None of this has anything to do with him, as always.

This is not about him, but about Sehun and Jongin.

Kyungsoo is just nothing.

‘’Okay,’’ he whispers, barely holding the wronged feeling back.

Sehun smiles, just barely, but it’s one of the private ones, though right now it does nothing to soothe Kyungsoo’s heart.

‘’Thank you, Kyungsoo. You’ll do great for him.’’

Kyungsoo nods again, and he hears nothing. He just nods, holding everything back, the _‘please see me’_ on his tongue.

‘’Sehun,’’ he says, voice nearly cracking over.

Sehun directs his gaze back at Kyungsoo again. ‘’Yeah?’’

Kyungsoo shuffles on his feet, turning the tips against one another, and he feels like he’s drowning – the water rises in his body and up to his throat, and breaches the surface, gushing out of his mouth because he can’t contain it any longer.

‘’I’m in love with you. I’m sorry.’’

His breath hitches, and he looks down. He doesn’t want to look at Sehun’s face.

He waits, and nothing comes.

Sehun is quiet.

Kyungsoo feels the tears crowd him, but he holds it in. He can let the words out, but he doesn’t want to bare himself in such a personal way – it would hurt too much.

He freezes though when arms wrap around him, and Sehun holds him close, swallowing thickly where his mouth rests against Kyungsoo’s temple.

‘’I’m in love with Jongin,’’ he answers, voice a whisper.

Kyungsoo nods. ‘’I know.’’

He breathes out.

When Sehun withdraws, there’s something understanding in his eyes.

He might as well have known all along, and that hurts, too.

It hurts a lot, and Kyungsoo wants to leave.

It hurts that Sehun says nothing about Kyungsoo’s words, but Kyungsoo knows why that is.

However, Sehun doesn’t point fingers or mock Kyungsoo, or fault him.

Feelings are feelings, and people can’t always control whom they want to love.

Most people, like Sehun, Jongin and Kyungsoo know that it can be a good thing, but also a curse.

Kyungsoo’s only regret is that he didn’t take this blow ages ago.

It’s a relief.

It’s a relief that Kyungsoo no longer has to hold such terminal words on the tip of his tongue, as he’s done for years.

It’s a relief that he knows – he knows for sure that there’s nothing left to hope for. It’s a relief, even if it hurts.

Even if it makes him lie in his bed the following days, skipping class again though it’s his last year in high school and he should follow class diligently to assure himself good grades by the end of the semester.

Right now, he needs to sort out his feelings.

Take good care of Jongin, Sehun said.

It’s always about Jongin.

Kyungsoo clutches his duvet tighter and he presses his face into the plush.

Even so, he can’t make himself dislike Jongin, and never has – not even when Sehun and Jongin were boyfriends.

Because Jongin is a good person, and he’s always treated Kyungsoo well, especially around times where Sehun has been cold or dismissive, where Jongin has been the one to hold Kyungsoo’s hand and make sure that Kyungsoo feels acknowledged or noticed.

Jongin was the first one to applaud that time each student had to present a big project in class. He shushed Chanyeol when the latter grinned because Kyungsoo stumbled with the sentences.

It’s Jongin who always holds out a pencil if Kyungsoo forgets his own.

It’s Jongin who stopped up amidst one of the yearly sport events to sit and talk at the curb with Kyungsoo, who felt ill from running too much.

It’s Jongin who waves whenever Sehun and him walk down the sidewalk and spot Kyungsoo on the other lane.

Kyungsoo has no reason to hate Jongin, and never has.

And it’s first now that he realizes that he should have recognized it like this far earlier.

Kyungsoo is in the middle of making himself a sandwich when a knock erupts from the hall, just like the last time he had caved in.

He can hear that it’s not Baekhyun and Yifan, because his friends always barge in without permission – or knock on the door as if they want to create a havoc and tear it down.

This knock is careful.

One, two, three and then it stops.

One, two, three again shortly after, and then a ring with the bell, a little more insistent.

Kyungsoo drops the knife and pads over, and today he’s only wearing a small t-shirt, boxers and a pair of woolen socks.

He unlocks the door and opens it, peeking out with his head.

He stares.

Jongin stands there, another snapback on his head hiding his bangs with the others cascading from the sides, though in a shorter version since he must have gotten a haircut. He wears the usual, this time some denim jeans, a checkered red lumber shirt and another pair of trashy sneakers.

‘’Hey,’’ he says, and the look in his eyes is different this time.

‘’Jongin…?’’ Kyungsoo starts.

His inner monologue from earlier catches up on him, and he realizes that he somehow owes Jongin a far friendlier greeting, and a better treatment.

He immediately opens the door, even if he’s barely dressed, and steps aside.

‘’Um- ‘’ he says, ‘’come in. I’m sorry for making you wait.’’

Jongin looks surprised, but then he smiles; probably taking Kyungsoo’s appearance in, his disheveled bed hair, pouty lips and droopy eyes.

Kyungsoo hopes Jongin doesn’t notice how his eyes are a little red from prior crying.

He sniffs and rubs his eyes when he turns his back, padding into the kitchen again.

‘’I was- I was just in the middle of making myself some food,’’ he explains.

Jongin chuckles, settling against the counter on the opposite of Kyungsoo, leaning over. ‘’I don’t mind – just do your thing.’’

Kyungsoo smiles at this, huffing shortly. He resumes making his sandwich, but stops along the way. ‘’Do you want one too?’’ he asks.

Jongin looks up, and he hasn’t said anything or asked any questions even if he’s the one who’s come here to visit.

‘’No, I’m fine,’’ he says, and it becomes quiet between them again.

It looks like there’s something Jongin wants to say.

Kyungsoo thinks it’s bitterly funny that it’s always Jongin who’s here if Sehun makes Kyungsoo feel sad – the one who Sehun is in love with, the one whose shoes Kyungsoo has wanted to be in for years.

However, throughout the past months, Kyungsoo has gone through a different sort of evaluation with himself, putting the mourning aside.

He’s come to know, as he should’ve known all along, that he’s got to move on.

That he has to spend his resources where it’s returned or where it can bring profit to himself.

Not to be selfish, but just to be good to himself.

Also to be good to the people around him so that he doesn’t bring his sadness out on other people or forget to appreciate who and what actually matters.

‘’Thank you,’’ he says all of sudden, putting the knife down.

Jongin is still looking at him – might have been looking at him while Kyungsoo has been preparing his food, immersed in his thoughts.

‘’For what?’’ Jongin clears his throat.

Kyungsoo lets their eyes lock in a gaze, and he twiddles his fingers, shoulders slumping a bit. ‘’For being there. Or… here, I mean. Just… just in general, I guess.’’ He pauses.

‘’For bringing me to the nurse back in P.E when I got a nosebleed. Um. For… for the sport event where you… comforted me. For, for always treating me good. I haven’t…. I haven’t properly appreciated that – all you’ve done,’’ he says.

‘’I realize that we could’ve become friends a long time ago…’’ he trails off, sees that something changes in Jongin’s eyes, the way Jongin adjusts his position, gaze for once veering off the track and away from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo might first now realize how hard Jongin has tried to become his friend, and that shrinks the previous boulder in his stomach and grows a new one.

But this boulder is one he can do something about.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ he says, and it’s genuine.

‘’I’m sorry for not appreciating you.’’

Jongin looks up, and his jaw is setting, his fingers drumming on the kitchen counter. His eyes look a little glazed, mouth setting in a line.

Many emotions travel across his face.

‘’I want to be your friend,’’ Kyungsoo looks him straight in the eyes, ‘’Jongin.’’

‘’If you’ll let me.’’

For the first time, he might really see Jongin.

Who Jongin could have been for him, and what Jongin does, how Jongin looks, the way Jongin smiles now as dimples shape on his cheeks – and the smile is bitter at first but ebbs out and becomes genuine.

Kyungsoo holds his breath, afraid he might have ruined this too, shot himself in the foot a long time ago from the moment he started liking Sehun. ‘’Yeah,’’ Jongin says, nodding slightly. ‘’I want to, Soo.’’ A nickname.

One that makes Kyungsoo smile in a strange way.

He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do.

He’s not sure what just happened, but he wants to hug Jongin, though they stand on the opposite sides of the middle kitchen counter.

They settle to look at each other instead, and Kyungsoo is mesmerized; outwitted by the way their gazes linger, and it’s not awkward.

Something travels between them, until Kyungsoo nods in return, muttering a breathless ‘’I’m glad.’’

Kyungsoo is not so glad just a few days later, where Jongin plants his ass next to him in the class during break.

The thing is that Sehun follows suit and picks a chair too, and Kyungsoo can feel himself go in panic-mode, knuckles whitening from how he clenches the hem of his shirt in a nervous gesture.

Baekhyun looks mortified, and Yifan has one of his groggy looks on, crinkling his nose in question.

It’s awkward at first, because Kyungsoo keeps looking down even when Jongin starts talking to him, trying to ease the tension.

Sehun is just not talking at all, and looks out of the window.

It ends with Jongin talking to Baekhyun and Yifan, who at least do not stay as frozen zombies throughout all of it, and the trio laughs together.

Sehun is soothed into it later on, but Kyungsoo’s eyes stay down, and he only briefly notices how Jongin is giving him a worried, almost guilty look from the corner of his eye.

But Kyungsoo realizes that something has to be done, and he’s agreed to become friends with Jongin.

Wants to be friends with Jongin.

Between Jongin and Sehun, it might be about solving things, staying friends, easing the past.

Between Sehun and Kyungsoo, it’s about Kyungsoo getting over the past, and for Sehun to stop the vile glances that make Kyungsoo feel guilty.

Between Jongin and Kyungsoo, it’s about becoming friends and getting to know each other, where Sehun’s presence has to follow suit since Sehun is a part of Jongin’s life too.

However, this is not _just_ about Jongin and Sehun, or Sehun or Kyungsoo, or Kyungsoo and Jongin.

It’s about the three of them together, but also about each relationship and each individual, who, one way or another, are connected – some stronger than other and with different means.

Yet they have to make a living, even if some are hurt and others are overjoyed, because that’s just how it is.

And that’s okay.

Jongin starts coming over, and starts easing into Kyungsoo’s group.

Sometimes, Kyungsoo joins Jongin too, even if it’s awkward at first and Kyungsoo feels misfit and not in a proper league to be with Jongin’s friends.

But Jongin insists, takes him under his wing or draws him close, and eases him into the conversations.

Jongin’s friends are sweet too, even if Sehun is mostly quiet when Kyungsoo is over.

Kyungsoo is to be surprised, though, because after a while, after some weeks, Sehun talks to him too.

Kyungsoo gets the usual reaction at first, but he can visibly note how something is different this time.

When the group laughs, Kyungsoo’s eyes first land on Sehun who is smiling, but then they drift to the left and to Jongin next to himself, who usually hits the person he is next to when he laughs, but has an unmoving, comforting arm around Kyungsoo in this case.

Kyungsoo feels embarrassed that he has to mingle with Sehun now that Sehun knows Kyungsoo is in love with him, but at the same time, he thinks that they could also just be friends. That being acquaintances is better than nothing is, that friendship is just as important as romantic relationships, and that the one Kyungsoo primarily has to focus on is Jongin, who he holds a promise to.

Kyungsoo decides that he doesn’t want to be in love with Sehun anymore, and for the first time, as he stands at home and looks into his own eyes in the mirror, he can feel that he means it.

It’s a slow process.

Today, Jongin sleeps over at Kyungsoo’s house for the first time, a month since they officially agreed to become friends. Kyungsoo’s eighteenth birthday is just one and a half months away, and apparently, so is Jongin’s birthday too.

Kyungsoo has found that he has many fundamental things in common with Jongin.

They’re both quiet individuals, and while Jongin might not be shy, he’s a reserved person who doesn’t just let anyone into the heat, even if he’s coveted for his looks and skills in dancing.

Kyungsoo is both shy and introverted, but has his moments of courage and treats his friends with extra care, and can be direct about the things he’s sure about, no matter the circumstances.

They both like anime, and have the same perspective regarding many things, and some different too.

Kyungsoo finds out that Jongin is a poetic individual with deep thoughts and lots of pondering – is moody too but very affectionate.

He finds that Jongin has many layers, and that there’s much more to him than what Kyungsoo had first thought.

Right now, they’re heading outside to the ice cream parlor because Jongin has recommended it and has wanted to go there many times, even if it’s freezing. He’s only been there a few times because Sehun doesn’t have a sweet tooth – only when it comes to bubble tea.

Earlier, Jongin passed by after school to dump his stuff at Kyungsoo’s house.

They’ve planned to do a One Piece marathon of the first arc throughout the weekend, and Kyungsoo has to admit that he feels unusually excited.

They walk alongside each other, and Kyungsoo might not have noticed it before, but now he does – sees how big Jongin’s palms are and notices whenever their fingers brush as they walk.

It makes him clear his throat and wrench his hands over his stomach instead; putting up a new subject that they can talk about.

The way his heart is beating in this moment is a pattern he knows well, and it’s not one he wants to happen again, this time for another person – for a person who’s in the same league as Sehun, even if they have different personalities.

Kyungsoo thinks that he might as well just be shallow-minded and go for guys with great looks, and that makes it even harder for him to look at Jongin every now and then, because Jongin looks _good_.

Kyungsoo doesn’t want something awkward to happen between them just because he can’t control himself or his erratic heart.

This is the first time he’s veered off the track, though. Away from Sehun, and that is a little scary as well, probably because this would end in the same way, with Kyungsoo getting a crush he can’t do anything about.

But maybe it’s also just him who’s getting too flattered about the fact that someone who even remotely reminds of Sehun pays attention to him, and he feels guilty for reasons unknown.

Yet he knows that he enjoys Jongin’s company, more than he thought he ever would.

Jongin opens the door for him, and they step inside.

It’s a colorful shop, and Kyungsoo’s eyes nearly fall out of their sockets due to the display of all the different sugar coatings and ice cream flavors.

He and his own friends usually go to the candy shop further ahead where they also sell ice cream but of a different kind, so he’s never really noticed this place.

He bites his lower lip and looks up at Jongin, absentmindedly tugging in Jongin’s sleeve, saying a blissful: ‘’this is heaven!’’ as he grins.

Jongin smiles in return, and for a moment, it looks like there’s a hue of pink rising over his cheeks.

He steps over to the display of ice creams, pointing at one. ‘’I think vanilla’s my favorite,’’ he says.

‘’Isn’t vanilla boring? Or kind of average, you know – plain?’’ Kyungsoo says, raising a brow.

Jongin huffs in return and taps the class. ‘’Sometimes the average is better than you think. You’ve got to find love in the simplest things.’’ Kyungsoo’s mouth goes dry at this.

He smiles, though. ‘’It’s not that I don’t like vanilla. But I think caramel’s better,’’ he taps the glass as well. ‘’As a kid I used to like licorice. I mean, I ate it all the time, but that was from a shop that closed some years ago. I remember that I was completely devastated about the place shutting down, but the owner moved to a different district, so yeah.’’

‘’But it’s sort of strange. Now all I like is caramel or mocha from, you know, that candy shop further down the street. But maybe I should come to this place instead. The caramel looks better here,’’ he then points at the little section with warmer colors.

He continues: ‘’I think caramel has more layers, and a richer flavor. A nice color too,’’ he bows a little down to get a better view, gaze darting over the different ice creams. ‘’But it’s only later on I realized that, since I always picked licorice instead.’’

‘’You should also stick to something new,’’ he suggests, looking up at Jongin again.

Jongin shrugs. ‘’I think vanilla’s just fine for me.’’

They settle to get their favorite flavor each, and spend the most of the time picking the different toppings, gasping when Jongin spills something and they both panic and try to shove it under the desk with their feet, vividly looking around as they try their best not to grin.

‘’I come here sometimes with my sister- or, well, I used to, but she went to college some years ago,’’ Jongin says when they sit by the window, on the opposite chairs in front of each other, leaned over the table to enjoy their ice cream.

Kyungsoo hums. ‘’Do you miss her?’’

‘’A bit, I guess.’’

‘’I know the feeling well,’’ the shorter complies. ‘’My brother goes to a university as well and is soon graduating. He’s sort of got it all, though, and is aiming to become a surgeon. Got brains and all that,’’ he explains, scrunching his nose. He realizes how condemning that sounds towards his brother, and amends it.

‘’It’s not that I’m jealous, but sometimes it’d be nice if I was just smarter- or better-looking, or something else than… than me, you know?’’ Kyungsoo scoops his spoon into his ice cream and observes the act, sighing softly under his breath.

When he looks up, he nearly startles to see that Jongin has stopped eating his ice cream and is staring at Kyungsoo rather intensely.

‘’What?’’ Kyungsoo mumbles. He knows that he’s a little insecure. Sometimes the foul comments can’t help but to escape him, and he hates sounding self-piteous.

Jongin settles the ice cream down. ‘’I know that what I think doesn’t… matter much. In the end it’s about how you view yourself, and it’s not like I can make you- make you like yourself, but…,’’ he licks his lips.

‘’But I think you should have no reason to be sad about who you are,’’ he says, and holds the gaze. His eyes are genuine, as always. Open and honest.

‘’I think you’re great, just the way you are.’’

Kyungsoo nearly loses a droplet of ice cream onto his shirt, and has to lick a stripe up his wrist to catch it where it dribbles down.

He swallows and looks astounded at first, but then grins, shyly looking away, lips wobbling into a small pucker as he shrugs.

‘’You’re a sap…,’’ he says, and Jongin laughs, though it dims and the look from before returns.

‘’I mean it, though,’’ Jongin says. ‘’I like you.’’

Kyungsoo looks down at his ice cream, trying to swallow the giddiness rising up his throat. His heart beats in that funny way, and he really needs to dull it. It’s useless anyway.

‘’Thank you,’’ he mutters.

‘’I like you… just the way you are, too.’’

Jongin smiles again, but this time it’s strained, and Kyungsoo’s not sure what it is he’s done wrong.

It becomes quiet between them for a while, a strange tension ebbing from Jongin.

It slips away a little later on though as they move to a different subject and talk about their history teacher who Jongin really dislikes.

‘’She’s so snide,’’ his face scrunches into a wry expression, and Kyungsoo laughs around the spoon in his mouth.

‘’Remember that time she almost gave Chanyeol detention for throwing paper balls at

Baekhyun?’’

Jongin’s eyes light up. ‘’Oh, I remember!’’ he settles back. ‘’But Chanyeol’s got the biggest crush on him anyway, so it’s no wonder he does stupid stuff like that.’’

Kyungsoo quirks a brow. ‘’Wait, he’s crushing on Baekhyun? He’s gay, too?’’

Jongin puckers his lips. ‘’Bisexual,’’ he says. Then grimaces. ‘’Wait… I wasn’t supposed to, um, tell you.’’

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. ‘’Well, I can tell you that Baekhyun has been spending the past couple of days drooling over that giant.’’

‘’No way!’’

‘’Yes way, absolutely way. He’s been crushing on Yeol for months, really.’’

‘’They could’ve solved it ages ago then?’’

‘’Basically.’’

Jongin snorts. ‘’Love is a strange thing. You never know if someone likes you back.’’

Kyungsoo agrees wholeheartedly. ‘’Yeah, but sometimes, even if you know they don’t love you back, you keep loving them or- you know, wanting to be with them.’’

An old boulder commences in his stomach, but he quickly snatches it away.

‘’Yeah,’’ Jongin says. ‘’I know.’’

Kyungsoo is not sure what he’s supposed to do when Jongin gets that filter over his face, the one that comes during moments like these.

‘’Do you think… do you think that you should continue persuade someone if you know they don’t love you back? I mean… how do you think you can get out of the evil cycle?’’ Kyungsoo asks, and thinks he may as well be voicing his thoughts and deepest wonders aloud.

Jongin looks contemplative about this.

‘’It depends,’’ he says, twirling the plastic spoon between his fingers.

‘’Sometimes, you know the luck is out, and that’s where you move on.’’

‘’Sometimes, there’s a pinch of hope.’’

‘’Sometimes… you have to take a step back and look at his person, and think: are we compatible?

Would we be a great couple if we got together?’’ he licks his lips.

‘’Because sometimes, you like the idea of a person. You like this person. But you might not want to be in a relationship with them, or might not have great dynamics with them in the way that is required for it to become something.’’

‘’Sometimes, you’ve got to think… what’s good for me?’’ his gaze goes up. ‘’As in… is this what I want?’’

There it is again.

These moments where Jongin speaks out of age, shows another side of him, where Kyungsoo is allowed to pry a layer deeper.

The words astound Kyungsoo, as always.

Jongin continues. ‘’Sometimes, you have to show them… that- that you’ve been there all the time, and that you know you can do good together. It depends, though, of course. But sometimes, you have to prove yourself to them and make them see you if they didn’t do that before, if you know that you have something to prove. If you know that you can help each other out… If you know you’re willing to develop alongside them on the way, whichever direction they take. If you know you can take the rejection the first time they say no, fully knowing that they need time before they’ll let you in. If you know it. If you really know it, you can’t walk on eggshells anymore, and you’ll have to be courageous. Though it’s up to you as for what you do; first after you’ve taken everything into consideration, remembering to respect their decision whatever they end up saying the last time you confess.’’

Kyungsoo smiles, and he’s not sure why.

Somehow, he really admires the person before him.

He knows his own luck is out, and these words make him realize many things.

Makes him realize that even if he likes Sehun, they would not work out as a couple. That Sehun in return never gave him a chance, and that rather settles it, even if Kyungsoo tried to prove himself.

There was no consideration; it’s the end of their story, one that never began.

And Kyungsoo smiles, maybe bitterly, or maybe in adoration.

Bitterly, because the way his heart is beating is dangerous – and to fall for someone who already likes someone else means certain death.

Adoration, because what he knows is that whomever Jongin likes – Is lucky.

Just then, Kyungsoo is startled out of his thoughts when Jongin suddenly leans forward, and swipes something off Kyungsoo’s lower lip, subsequently taking it off his thumb in a little lick.

It seems that Jongin is startled by the action himself, because he flusters and says ‘’I- uh- you had something- you had ice cream on your lip.’’

Kyungsoo grins, but it is breathless, his lip feels warm, and his heart hurts.

He’s finished his ice cream, and now he sits back and watches as Jongin scoops another ball of sugar into his mouth, gaze meanwhile resting on what’s outside the window.

Kyungsoo barely realizes how he’s holding a hand over his throat or maybe a little over – over his chest as he grasps at the material, and hopes, _really_ hopes, that he can control himself this time.

Another month passes.

‘’Do you want to go to the arcade?’’

Kyungsoo stops in his tracks, in the middle of zipping his bag.

He looks over his shoulder, and finds Sehun standing there.

He waits a moment before answering, taking the request in.

‘’With Jongin, right?’’

Sehun shakes his head. ‘’No, just the two of us.’’

It’s true that Sehun and Kyungsoo have become better friends now, and can lead conversations too.

This is unexpected, though.

Sehun doesn’t look like he’s kidding. He doesn’t look cold either, but happy today with a small but private smile on his lips – this time in front of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo’s heart still beats in a funny way, but now he feels rather nervous than giddy. He wants to ask why Sehun even wants to, but he packs it away.

‘’Sure, why not?’’

Jongin passes by, and takes a step back. ‘’Hey, are you going together?’’ he asks.

Sehun nods. ‘’Yeah, we’re heading to the arcade, just the two of us.’’

It looks like something is turning in Jongin’s head, and Kyungsoo’s gaze flickers between the two dancers alternately, the air tense.

While Kyungsoo puts on his bag and jacket, he sees from the corner of his eye how Jongin leans in and whispers something to Sehun. The look in his eyes is a meaningful one, a little dangerous too, before he waves to Kyungsoo and walks out with Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo says nothing about it, and Sehun looks neutral, but smiles and says ‘’come.’’

Kyungsoo would’ve thought it would be awkward to be alone with Sehun, but the tension from before ebbs out and Sehun starts talking about class today and about his dance lessons.

He’s usually quiet, but can be talkative when he’s comfortable with the one he’s walking with, which Kyungsoo is aware of.

At first, the latter spends the time staring at Sehun in something akin to wonder, somehow in disbelief, as if he’s not believing that Sehun is actually talking to him.

But Sehun is, and it’s not too awkward, and they end up laughing at something Kyungsoo says about a question in literature.

They reach the arcade, and Sehun goes as far as to open the door for Kyungsoo, and pays for his entrance and for a snack.

Kyungsoo is not sure what this is.

The feeling in his stomach.

Somehow, he feels like he’s on cloud nine, because this means that they can be friends – that things are okay between them, but also that here might be a pinch of hope.

The sort of hope Jongin talked about.

Prove yourself for the one you love, and show them that you’re compatible.

Kyungsoo can do that, because Sehun is letting him do that, right now, and the thought about an ending tale slips past his mind.

They go for one of the machines with plastic guns, and Sehun grins when Kyungsoo holds it the wrong way.

‘’Here,’’ Sehun says and embraces Kyungsoo, adjusting the gun, and his arms are around the shorter to do so, and Kyungsoo can feel his heart speed up to his throat as he nods, breathless.

His eyes draft further, and from the corner of his eye, he spots a machine that is One Piece themed.

He puts the gun down and tugs in Sehun’s sleeve, and Sehun curiously follows.

‘’You like anime?’’ he asks, something quirky in his voice.

The way he says it makes Kyungsoo hesitate a bit, and Kyungsoo scratches his nape and grins sheepishly. ‘’I mean… yeah, I’m a fan, at least.’’

Sehun shrugs, looking a little bored. ‘’Jongin talks about nothing else, sometimes. It’s not really my category, though.’’

He treads closer and scrutinizes the machine.

Kyungsoo fidgets with the hem of his shirt, and questions the feeling that itches under his skin. It’s not heavy, but not light either.

‘’I guess I’m just-‘’

‘’Hey, what about this one?’’ Sehun points at one of the war ones with blinking lights and a robust voice bellowing from the amplifiers, and Sehun smiles naughtily and walks over, fumbling with another gun and some knife-look alike attached to a rope.

Kyungsoo stays a little behind, gazing at the One Piece machine, which is flowery and with NAKAMA spelled as the headline in Japanese.

He ruffles his hair and shrugs, following Sehun.

For some reason, Jongin’s face pops up in his mind, and he wishes Jongin was here too.

Jongin likes the bright machines too, and the last time they were here just a week ago, they spent hours at the dancing machine, but Sehun declines it and says that he only does it the professional way.

Sehun is fun, though.

He has a dark humor but is witty and has kind intentions, and guides Kyungsoo around, encourages him at some parts.

It’s just not the same.

The same way that Jongin does it.

This is also the first time Kyungsoo really gets to see another side of Sehun, and he thinks he’s obligated to like what he sees.

He does.

He does like what he sees, and he wants to get closer to Sehun.

But the one who pops up in his mind has mocha brown hair and a laughter that spells out sea lion, and the next time Kyungsoo is to come here, he definitely wants Jongin to tag along.

They reach the end and Kyungsoo perks up when his side is pinched.

‘’Hey, you okay?’’ Sehun asks, tilting his head. He looks a little worried, brows furrowed. Kyungsoo splutters and turns his palms up. ‘’Yes! Of course, I’m fine. This was fun, Sehun.’’ He gets a smile in return.

‘’I thought so too,’’ Sehun says, ‘’we should do it again another time.’’ Kyungsoo lets out a small chuckle and agrees.

He’s confused, though.

His mind is confusing him, right now.

‘’Do you want go to get some bubble tea?’’ Sehun asks, pointing a thumb at the exit.

Kyungsoo wants to go home and think things through.

‘’Sure,’’ he says. He needs to prove himself.

They head outside, and it turns quiet between them.

Many things have been going through Kyungsoo’s mind as of lately.

As they sit in the other café, he’s not sure if his mind is blank or if it’s just clotted.

This probably means nothing to Sehun, other than a chance to get to know Kyungsoo in a friendly way.

That’s fine, that’s how it’s supposed to be, most likely – and Kyungsoo hasn’t expected anything else, speaking of what is realistic.

However, to Kyungsoo, it should be about proving himself that he is better, he can do well for Sehun – they have dynamics and Kyungsoo can be a good friend too, and possibly hook Sehun’s interest for all the time Sehun has looked away and thought nothing of him.

Kyungsoo is just not sure how he’s supposed to present himself, though. What he should say or do, right now.

Sometimes, opposites do attract.

But the two of them can only talk about school or smaller subjects – there’s not really a match point where they fit.

Kyungsoo wonders how Sehun and Jongin are like when they’re together, and what they talk about.

What made them capable of becoming a couple – of fitting well together?

Kyungsoo and Jongin are different from each other too, but they click.

Kyungsoo wants to stay in denial and say that this is just a first encounter, and that there’s always the next – there are still months, more than a half year left until graduation. But Sehun and him feel different.

Somehow, Kyungsoo knows that he has known all along, even before they really began to talk and Jongin indulged them in a friendship, all of them.

But Kyungsoo has starved for love from someone special, and that’s been Sehun for many years.

He might never really have taken a step back and looked at who Sehun is, next to Kyungsoo himself, and what they can be as a couple.

Kyungsoo can’t really imagine it now, for some reason.

Nevertheless, he wants to – he wants to imagine it, as he’s always done. To be the lover in Sehun’s sheets, and to be the one to receive those private smiles from Sehun.

He feels guilty, for some reason.

Angry with himself, and with the way his heart is beating – puzzled, but not erratic as it used to be around Sehun, seeing as their friendship has mellowed through the months.

Kyungsoo should be happy that he’s letting go, but it almost seems infuriatingly easy all of sudden.

Too easy.

‘’Are you sure you’re okay?’’ Sehun asks, playing with the straw on his drink.

Kyungsoo looks up, and he nods, smiling softly. ‘’Yeah, I’m sure.’’

He thinks he wants to see Jongin right now, to ask for advice – to ask what’s happening with him, and with his heart.

Jongin always knows what to say or do.

‘’You look like you want to be somewhere else,’’ Sehun says, and he doesn’t beat around the bush.

Kyungsoo stiffens, presenting a laugh that should be humorous but is croaky and not so genuine, because Sehun is right, and he should not be.

‘’It’s just- I’m a little distracted,’’ the other says, waving a hand in the air, sighing.

Sehun only hums and it becomes quiet between them again.

‘’What do you think of Jongin?’’ he asks, all of sudden.

Kyungsoo gets some juice in the wrong pipe and coughs, shielding his mouth with a palm.

‘’What?’’ he blinks.

Sehun rolls his eyes, but smiles, almost bitterly. ‘’What do you think about Jongin?’’ Kyungsoo sinks his spit.

The question is sudden.

‘’We’ve become really good friends lately,’’ he mentions. Sehun looks like that’s not enough information. ‘’What more?’ ‘’What more?’’ Kyungsoo repeats.

‘’What do you think of him?’’ the same question.

‘’Well,’’ Kyungsoo tries, shoulders easing, ‘’I think he’s wise.’’

‘’I mean, he’s a bit childish sometimes and looks like an oversized puppy, but he can also be very serious. Um. Passionate, too. About dancing, about feelings, about the things he likes. He’s… sassy too, sometimes, or cocky – but it’s sort of charming.’’

‘’Yeah?’’

Kyungsoo searches for the words, but they come easily, this time. ‘’He’s sweet and caring and has a good sense of moral. He’s-‘’ he pauses.

‘’He’s easy to love.’’

Sehun settles back in his seat, crossing his arms, a strange look cornering his eyes as he looks

down.

‘’Yeah,’’ he replies. ‘’I know.’’

Kyungsoo is taken back by the feeling welling up in his chest, but it’s not just pity for himself. It’s not only there because the chances of Kyungsoo being with Sehun is still nonexistent… He feels bad for Sehun.

Because Jongin likes someone else, and the thought of that must be horrible to Sehun.

It somehow is to Kyungsoo as well, in some way, but he pushes that aside and takes a big sip of his drink.

‘’So… what do you think of me, then?’’ Sehun asks.

Kyungsoo arches his brows until they disappear beneath his scruffy bangs.

‘’About you?’’ he asks, and he thinks it was humiliating enough to confess his love and be rejected months ago.

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’You already know.’’

_‘’Really?’’_

‘’What do you mean _‘really’_?’’

Sehun leans forward, now resting his crossed arms on the table. ‘’I mean is that really how you feel.’’

Kyungsoo looks down.

It’s the easiest just to say yes or no.

‘’I don’t know,’’ he answers.

Sehun squints his eyes. ‘’What can you say about me?’’

‘’What I think about you?’’

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’You’ve become a friend of mine too, and you’re sweet, funny and good at dancing…,’’ Kyungsoo says, but trails off amidst it.

He finds that he has no other words than that, and that he has to dig further into his brain or in a list of adjectives to find something.

He doesn’t know much about Sehun, really. Might never have.

‘’And?’’ Sehun continues.

‘’And… you’re a friend of mine,’’ Kyungsoo finishes, a poor example.

Sehun says nothing at this, but it looks like his point has come across.

Kyungsoo is still unknowing of just what it is, but he can see that Sehun has gotten what he wanted out of the conversation, and Kyungsoo is left feeling odd inside.

‘’I hope we can stay friends. There’s more to you than what the eye can see,’’ Sehun says, and it’s genuine, but there’s something in it.

Kyungsoo should be flattered, but he finds himself wondering instead.

Kyungsoo comes home and immediately goes to his room. His mom is still at work while his father is cooking dinner.

The first thing he does is to flump down on his bed and wonder just where it went wrong.

He ends up mulling through dinner and his mother’s inquiring questions, and does his homework in silence, not even with music plopped in his ears tonight.

He has shut the curtains, though he usually keeps them open around this time, but he doesn’t want to be able to look over and into Sehun’s room. He doesn’t want to see Sehun right now.

He browses the internet, and _then_ listens to music – to see if he can distract himself from whatever realization that’s trying to catch up on him, about the way his heart beats and who he’s got on his mind right now.

He ends up on his bed by the end of the evening, and he knows what he usually does to relieve himself.

He usually has one name on his lips then, one face in mind.

However, as his fingers travel down between his legs, beneath his waistband, he has two in mind, two names too, and one is stronger than the other is, tonight.

He feels ashamed, as he’s always done.

For doing this.

For loving people that he can never obtain, and for when he touches himself to the thought of them, lips parted as he drags his pants a bit down and boxers too, so that he can grab his cock and start stroking himself until he’ s fully erect.

He bucks into his hand and digs the heel of his feet into the mattress, and tonight he feels like he wants something more – the urges are stronger, the feeling deeper, because he’s closer to it than what he’s ever been before.

He somehow thinks it would’ve been easier.

It would’ve been easier if he was just a wallflower to Jongin.

However, Jongin is his friend, and Kyungsoo has seen many sides of him already.

They’ve talked about private things, though never crushes, but about childhood memories, sad reminders and other touchy subjects.

Kyungsoo remembers the way Jongin had danced last Monday in school where Jongin had offered Kyungsoo to come watch him.

How Jongin’s biceps would bulge whenever he made another move, sweat beading his forehead and face scrunched into a lewd stage grimace that he only puts on display to charm the lot; one he’s practiced to perfection.

One that lingers in the front of Kyungsoo’s mind now, behind his eyelids, as he breathes out hastily and picks up the speed till a sound of his hand slicking his cock with pre-cum sounds in the room, save for his half-choked cries that he muffles by hiding his face in the bend of his arm.

He thinks about how it would be to have Jongin’s hands on him, touching him, groping him, and desiring him – how soft his lips look too.

It feels real now, because Kyungsoo has seen Jongin up close, knows his voice, his face expressions – how his hands feel too, big and calloused, veiny on the front with thick, long fingers.

Kyungsoo bites his lower lip, and his hands search.

He’s only done this a few times before, but he wants it so badly right now.

He blindly searches in the drawer of his bed stand, and nearly whines in impatience when it takes time to find the small bottle he keeps somewhere under some of the papers and magazines.

He finds it at last, and licks his lips as he fumbles to open the cap, lathering two shaky fingers with the content before he lets them travel down between his thighs, skittering down and over his sack, down to his entrance.

He traces the rim first, wondering if Jongin’s fingers would feel bigger inside him. How big – would it hurt or ache, or would it be better than his own fingers?

He rolls onto his side, withdrawing his hand to reach down again from behind as he presses in, knuckles-deep already because he can’t wait. He starts stroking himself again with his unoccupied hand, thumbing the slit of the cockhead as he furrows his brows and lets out a shaky breath, starting to thrust his fingers in and out with a slick sound from behind.

First one, but quickly two, and it already aches a bit here, but not enough.

He’s never used three before, but he lubes another one, body tensing and stomach convulsing as he wedges it in as well, spreading the fingers inside him, imagining that it’s Jongin’s cock as it stretches him open and reaches in deep.

Kyungsoo’s gut is drenched in heat, and the warmth builds up until it has to be released, until

Kyungsoo is rutting down on his fingers, groaning helplessly into his pillow to dull the outbursts.

Just as the buildup takes place and his breath is short and raspy, he startles so hard that he knocks the bottle of lubrication off the bed and gulps.

His phone is ringing on his desk, buzzing with a familiar tone, one he’s saved for a certain person.

Kyungsoo wheezes and hastily jumps out of the bed, and nearly falls over because his pants hang down low. He draws them up, gets lube everywhere and hisses in annoyance, has to take the phone with nimble, careful fingers.

‘’Hey,’’ Kyungsoo greets when he’s pressed the green button, smudging the touch screen. ‘’It’sum, it’s me.’’

For a while, Kyungsoo thinks that Jongin must have dialed him by accident, because nothing comes from the other line.

‘’Jongin?’’ Kyungsoo breathes out, still adjusting his boxers and pants with one hand.

_‘’Oh- yeah, sorry,’’_ Jongin says, and he sounds strange tonight.

‘’You’ve… you’ve called?’’

_‘’I was wondering how you were doing.’’_

Kyungsoo looks around. ‘’Uh- I’m, I’m doing great,’’ he fakes a laugh, ‘’thank you!’’ that one was too formal, not casual.

_‘’You sound like you’re out of breath. What were you doing?’’_

Kyungsoo stiffens, one hand sent up to bite his nails, but he remembers where they have been and curses under his breath, shuffling over to the bed to sit.

‘’I was- I was just- with a friend,’’ he says as the first thing because he also spends a lot of time with his other friends in the evenings, but given how breathless he sounds, it comes out very wrong.

He shrieks and is about to say something, but Jongin is faster – surprisingly so, with an edge to his tone.

_‘’ **Is Sehun there**?’’_

‘’No! No, uh- I left Sehun some hours ago, actually. Okay, I’m alone and I was- running up the stairs to get my phone.’’

Jongin sounds visibly relieved for some reason.

_‘’Oh,’’_ he says. _‘’Oh, okay.’’_

_‘’Are you alone then?’’_

Kyungsoo nods, forgetting he has to offer a verbal reply. ‘’Yes, I’m just… chilling.’’

_‘’I’m in the neighborhood – can I come by?’’_ Kyungsoo’s mouth replies before his brain.

‘’Sure! Just- just swing by,’’ and then he nearly knocks the back of his head into the wall behind him where he sits, because right now is not the time – while he is achingly hard and his hole is throbbing and seconds ago he thought about Jongin drilling him into the bed, much to his own denial.

_‘’Okay, Soo. I’ll be there in two minutes, I think.’’_ Kyungsoo tries not to cry.

He stumbles around and goes to his bathroom, making sure to wash his hands as the first thing.

He gets the small spots of lube off his clothes and tries to pamper his hair down, and stuffs his dick into his underwear, adjusting it so that the bulge isn’t too visible.

He checks if the room is okay, and sits down on the bed somehow stiffly, staring down at his lap.

He realizes that he just masturbated to the thought of Jongin.

This is only getting worse, and the aching starts again.

The one in his heart that makes him clutch as his face and wish his heart would stop doing this – that he could just stop it; stop trying to reach the unobtainable.

This isn’t supposed to happen.

Footsteps from the stairs reverberate in the hall.

The door opens and Jongin peeks in, a skewed smile on his lips. ‘’Hey,’’ he says, and he’s wearing a scarf since it’s still chilly outside.

He’s rubbing his hands together, trying to heat them as he steps in and closes the door after himself.

Kyungsoo scratches his nape and answers too quickly, a breathless ‘’hey Jongin,’’ as he moves a bit on the bed to let Jongin sit next to him.

He’s been too busy with fixing himself that he’s barely thought about why Jongin would come here this late seeing as it’s almost nine in the evening.

‘’What’s, uh, what’s the occasion?’’ he asks, clearing his throat.

Jongin smiles. This one is timid. ‘’Just thought I wanted to see you, really.’’ Kyungsoo hasn’t expected that answer.

‘’But Sehun’s in the neighbor-‘’

‘’ **You** ,’’ Jongin cuts him off, and Kyungsoo startles.

‘’I mean it’s you… I want to see, right now.’’

There’s something in the words, and it lingers in the air as Kyungsoo blinks.

His heart does the thing it shouldn’t do.

Jongin has said this a couple of times before, but tonight it makes Kyungsoo’s toes curl.

Today’s meeting with Sehun has spurred something inside his brain.

This is turning sad, though.

Even if Kyungsoo is still in denial, he figures that in the future, Sehun and he can bond over crying about Jongin and their unrequited love, and Kyungsoo laughs at the idea, starts grinning so that he has to hide his smile in his hands, because he simply can’t stop.

He laughs because this is so stupid, like a spin off romantic comedy movie, with Kyungsoo starting to like Sehun, but then falls for Jongin so that he can cry about both. Kyungsoo will lust after the guy he hadn’t noticed for years, one who’s suddenly there, Jongin who takes his breath away as if Sehun never meant anything to Kyungsoo in the first place.

What should’ve become something happy, a new friendship for Kyungsoo as he slowly ebbs out of his crush for Sehun, has become something even more tragic than the first heartbreak.

He just wonders when _this_ blow will come where he realizes he’s going to be rejected by Jongin, so that he can move on anew.

‘’What’re-‘’ Jongin is grinning too, but he sounds curious. ‘’What are you laughing at?’’ he asks, smiling dumbly because Kyungsoo is almost crying from laughing.

‘’No-‘’ Kyungsoo flaps a hand, and his heart is hurting – everything sort of hurts, but he smiles instead at his own idiocy. ‘’It’s nothing, I just remembered something.’’

‘’Remembered what?’’

‘’It’s nothing, Jonginnie,’’ Kyungsoo sticks his tongue out, using the nickname to make Jongin pout.

‘’Um,’’ Jongin moves to another subject, and he plays with his fingers and shifts a bit.

‘’How… how’d your day go?’’ he asks. ‘’With Sehun.’’

Kyungsoo makes a ‘meh’ sound. ‘’It was actually fun. The arcades were fun.’’ Jongin looks up at the ceiling. ‘’Really?’’ he says.

Kyungsoo nods. ‘’Yeah.’’

It turns quiet between them.

Kyungsoo grins, and Jongin looks down, raising a brow.

‘’I wish you had been there, though.’’ Jongin’s eyes widen in question.

Kyungsoo elaborates, getting ahead of himself, excited: ‘’there was this new One Piece machine at the arcade, and it would’ve been so fun if you were there. We can- we can go there in the weekend, maybe?’’

For some reason, a smile spreads on Jongin’s face, and his voice is thick and barely contained when he says ‘’We should.’’

Kyungsoo continues – ‘’I think I got a brochure with the new machines, let me check,’’ he raises himself and starts searching the pockets in his jacket that he’s brought up in his room next to his desk.

He fumbles until he finds it, turning around to say something.

But he keeps quiet, because Jongin’s face has something indescribable drawn over his features as his eyes trace the object he’s picked up in the meantime, one that was lying on the floor.

It might just be Kyungsoo, but the latter thinks he hears church bells ringing in the distance as he remembers how he forgot to pack away the bottle of lube he accidentally knocked off the bed when he got startled.

The one that spells out ‘ _ **ANAL LUBE – EXTRA COMFORT** ’_ on the front.

In less than three seconds, Kyungsoo has snatched the bottle out of Jongin’s hands, and it’s a little sticky with lube since Kyungsoo just recently used it and tends to get sloppy and messy with the content.

He slams it into the drawer and bangs it shut, a wild look in his eyes as he tenses, and Jongin looks just as surprised from where he sits on the bed.

A copious tension rests in the air and the both of them just stare at each other.

Then, Jongin’s lower lip starts wobbling a bit and he takes a deep inhale and- _is that a blush?_

He wrenches his hands together and looks down, muttering a small ‘’sorry’’ under his breath, and a hue of pink stretches across his jaw and even surfaces on the tip of his ears.

Kyungsoo waits for a moment, and he’s got nothing to say, speechless due to embarrassment.

He coughs and stretches in the collar of his shirt, realizing that his fingers have gotten slick with some of the lube, meaning Jongin’s must be too.

The lube Kyungsoo used to finger himself with just less than twenty minutes ago.

Kyungsoo wordlessly disappears out of the room and comes back with some paper, and he takes Jongin’s hands and dries them along with his own. Jongin just lets him, looking at Kyungsoo while Kyungsoo focuses on his own hands working.

He’s not sure if his eyes are playing tricks on him, but when his gaze veers a little, he thinks he sees that the pouch of Jongin’s jeans is bulging a bit, and Jongin adjusts his seat, closing his legs.

Kyungsoo loathes the deep scorch that travels down his spine.

He looks up in class today, just when a certain laughter rings in his ears.

When he peeks over his shoulder, he’s no longer phased when he sees it’s Jongin.

Some weeks have passed, and it’s soon Kyungsoo’s birthday – and Jongin’s too, just two days afterwards.

They’ve been spending a lot of time together, even if Kyungsoo has had days where it’s been hard to look at Jongin.

It’s been hard to realize why it is his heart beats the way it does, in an even more infuriating way than it ever did with Sehun.

It’s tough to know that something so close, that when Jongin leans in and as always wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and grins into his ear, that he’s far away in other terms.

Kyungsoo feels guilty, again.

He shouldn’t think of Jongin that way, or ruin what they’ve shaped together.

Jongin has wanted to become Kyungsoo’s friend for so long, and Kyungsoo should not ruin that.

He’s promised himself that he’s not going to hurt Jongin or lack in appreciation of Jongin’s kind intentions ever again.

‘’Hey,’’ a voice sounds next to him, and it’s Sehun who flicks Kyungsoo on the cheek.

Kyungsoo grumbles and Sehun snickers naughtily.

Baekhyun laughs too, turning around on his chair. ‘’You’ve been so out of it lately,’’ he says.

‘’More than the usual,’’ Yifan adds, who sits next to Baekhyun.

Sehun raises a brow.

It’s funny, Kyungsoo thinks.

How his friendship with Sehun has bloomed as of lately. Not that they’ve become best friends.

The thing is just that Kyungsoo starts to see Sehun…

For who Sehun is, and not just as a superior crush Kyungsoo once had.

Kyungsoo is average, but he’s starting to open up. Nothing has changed, but everything has, sort of. His circle of friends has expanded severely, and Yifan and Baekhyun’s have too.

There’s still the stardust left behind, the ‘ _what if’s_ , and _‘why’_ s, along with the fact that Sehun is still attractive to Kyungsoo’s eyes.

However, on a personal level, Sehun has become something else ever since Kyungsoo has gotten closer to him and learnt who he is.

‘’Just tired,’’ Kyungsoo replies, rubbing his eyes.

‘’Stayed up late watching porn?’’ Sehun offers, and Baekhyun grins obnoxiously in the background, and Yifan’s face blanches as if he believes it.

Kyungsoo is smiling, but his eyes are telling murder and he gives Sehun a shove, to which Sehun, who is taller and stronger, just wraps an arm around his shoulder and laughs into his ear, murmuring about what a little closet pervert he probably is, to which Kyungsoo blushes against his will.

The smaller is about to say something else, but stops amidst it as he catches something in the other end, and when he turns his head, he spots Jongin sit with a snapped pencil in his hand between his fore- and middle finger, and the look in his eyes is hard – very much directed towards Kyungsoo’s direction.

Kyungsoo blinks and makes a confused smile to him, and Jongin snaps out of his daze, looking flustered for a second before he nods and turns around again to regard Chanyeol.

‘’Wow,’’ Baekhyun says.

Sehun is saying nothing, but smiles; as if he knows something that the others have no clue about.

‘’You want to bake a cake?’’ Jongin sounds incredulous.

Kyungsoo nods persistently, dragging Jongin down the hall.

Class has only just ended a few minutes ago, but Kyungsoo has been quick to get out of the classroom, taking Jongin with him.

‘’It’s our birthday soon!’’ he says, as if that’s reason enough.

It is, and Kyungsoo is determined. He’s not going to ruin this friendship, and he’ll fall out of love again. He’s promised himself this.

Yet he knows that he wants to be something for Jongin, even just as a friend, so that’s what he’s going to become.

‘’What are we, ten?’’ Jongin mocks. ‘’We’re baking a birthday cake for the both of us?’’ he then asks, sheepish but happy.

They walk alongside one another now, heading to the grocery store.

‘’Exactly,’’ Kyungsoo looks proud of himself and of the arrangement, because even if they’re becoming eighteen years old and probably (not) less childish, a birthday cake is something everyone should get.

Sometimes, Kyungsoo wonders if he might be too mundane for Jongin, because Jongin goes to parties every now and then – given his social circle, and along with becoming friends with Jongin and his crew, Kyungsoo and his friends have gotten some invitations too.

Kyungsoo has always declined, though, out of fear that he’d look out of place at the arrangements.

‘’My mom isn’t going to be home until late, so we can be at my place,’’ Jongin suggests, and Kyungsoo thinks it’s a great idea.

Jongin lives in a small apartment since his parents divorced some years ago, but the lot is charming and the kitchen is nice and simple.

‘’Sounds like a good idea. I got the perfect recipe for a cake, so I know what to buy,’’ Kyungsoo whips a piece of paper out of his bag. ‘’My father’s own.’’

‘’You have a special cake?’’

‘’Yeah, one my father only makes for our family.’’

‘’Aren’t you flattering yourself by making a special cake for yourself then,’’ Jongin looks smug, and the tone is childish.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. ‘’Well, I happen to make it for you. I’m just included because my birthday is two days prior yours.’’

An _‘oh’_ noise escapes Jongin’s lips. ‘’Ah, so I’m special?’’ he shoves at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo shrugs. ‘’To me, at least,’’ he says, and he wants to tell how much Jongin has done for him, so that’s what he will do.

Jongin looks taken aback for a moment, mouth opening and closing like that of a goldfish.

‘’Okay,’’ he says, a strange but joyed smile on his lips, sounding faintly out of breath.

Kyungsoo knows that he’s bad at cooking.

He’s even worse at baking, though.

Jongin is snorting due to how hard he’s laughing, nearly falling off his chair as he observes how Kyungsoo fights with the flour, and manages to get a quarter of the package down himself.

The smaller coughs, ruffling his midnight bangs, proceeding to dirty that too. He’s got smudges on his cheeks, and his clothes make him look like a ghost.

‘’I never said I was a professional,’’ Kyungsoo whines, and he fights against the blush on his cheeks as he fumbles with the package and closes it again, sighing aloud. That was not cool.

He coughs again, and when Jongin has fallen down from his high, nearly red in the face from laughing, he hops off the stool and says ‘’wait a moment’’.

He comes back with a shirt in his hand, one that fits himself well but will probably look oversized on Kyungsoo.

‘’You can borrow it while you’re here and just return it tomorrow or something,’’ he says, and Kyungsoo takes it, still a little flustered because he wants to look good in front of Jongin while baking, but he guesses it’s his own fault since he already knows he’s this bad at it.

He pads into Jongin’s room. He hasn’t been here too many times – it’s usually Jongin who comes to visit Kyungsoo.

Jongin’s room is a little messy with used shirts on the floor, but it’s also fairly simple regarding furniture, with only a double-bed, a nightstand, a television and a desk there.

Kyungsoo draws his shirt over his head and starts undressing himself, and pulls down his pants too, figuring that walking in his briefs isn’t going to hurt anyone. He can’t fit into Jongin’s pants anyway, most likely, also because his thighs are naturally thicker, and Jongin’s are muscular but still slimmer and legs longer.

Kyungsoo fits into the shirt easily, and it hangs off his shoulders a bit. He’s standing in his socks as the only other thing save for his underwear and the shirt.

He looks around and figures he hasn’t been in here for too long for it to be suspicious, and drags the collar up to his nose and takes a light whiff.

The shirt must have been worn, because it smells faintly of cologne, but also off musk and spice and deodorant.

He ignores the burn in his gut, the urge to dip down again, and instead ruffles his hair to get some more flour out, looking in the mirror next to the television.

When he walks out, Jongin has already begun with the recipe, looking it over as he unpacks the things from the bag. He’s already cleaned the floor too.

He would’ve looked professional with the cooking apron wrapped around his hips, but his black snapback that’s been turned around sort of ruins it, along with his snug t-shirt that says _COMMES_

_des FUCKDOWN._

He’s in the middle of looking the recipe over, and looks up shortly to acknowledge Kyungsoo’s presence – though his gaze quickly flicks up again and he stares.

**_‘’Pants?’’_** he croaks, and then clears his throat. ‘’No pants?’’

Kyungsoo looks down and then up. ‘’Nah, they were dirty too, and I’m sure I can’t fit yours.’’ He could borrow a pair of sweatpants, but he thinks this is fine.

He walks around the middle counter, scrutinizing what’s been set up. ‘’So, what should I do?

Looks like you’re the chef here,’’ he chuckles and scratches a patch of skin on his throat.

Jongin’s jaw is setting and he’s not looking at Kyungsoo in return for some reason, clearing his throat yet again. ‘’Uh, you could take the eggs there, and uh…’’ he starts instructing, and Kyungsoo intently listens.

It turns out that Jongin is actually a great cook and baker, and makes sure that the things go right.

He’s the one who has to help Kyungsoo with the most of the things, and laughs because

Kyungsoo gets most things wrong and ends up either forgetting some things or spilling something on the floor.

They end up having a short flour war, until Jongin wheezes and says his mother is going to kill him if it gets places where they can’t clean it, and Kyungsoo understands this well, though it’s his father who gets a flip if the kitchen is dirty.

Kyungsoo is the only one who ends up covered in flour again, and drags his shirt off so that he stands in his boxers only, asking for a new one, and Jongin accidentally stubs his toe and yells the profanity equivalent to a hundred rap songs.

Kyungsoo comes back again with a new shirt, this being one he’s picked off the floor.          

‘’What’re you doing now?’’ he leans against the counter, not noticing how his collar dips down in the process and displays half of his chest through the loop.

Jongin smiles, but it’s tight-lipped, as if the gods are punishing him for something he finds ironically hilarious, and his eyes stay tightly focused on the recipe again.

‘’Making the frosting,’’ he answers, tongue stuck out while he focuses and stirs the sugary lot in the bowl in his hand.

He gets something on his hand with the mixer in and licks it off, but still has some on the side of his forefinger.

Kyungsoo’s eyes get a gleam, opening his mouth. ‘’Can I taste?’’

Jongin chuckles, smile skewed. He knows that Kyungsoo has a sweet tooth, as much as Jongin himself does.

He holds his hand out with the sugar cream on.

Kyungsoo makes a joyed sound under his breath and tips forward, standing on tiptoes to lean over, and wraps his lips around Jongin’s finger, enveloping the tip and middle between his cheeks as he sucks lightly and tastes the frosting.

It’s a quick act, and he leans back again and licks his lips in a sated way. ‘’I’ve missed the strawberry flavor,’’ he admits. ‘’It’s good.’’

He’s done this countless of times before with Baekhyun or Yifan, and they usually dry their finger off on his cheek or yell yuck, and in Baekhyun’s case, he would probably try to prop Kyungsoo’s fist into his mouth in revenge, just to have Kyungsoo scream on the floor until he apologizes.

Jongin stands there though, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and hand looking meek.

‘’Um,’’ he says, voice throaty. ‘’Strawberry’s good, yeah,’’ he returns his doings, and doesn’t wash his hands.

Kyungsoo belatedly notices how Jongin tastes the frosting just a minute later, and with the same finger sucks some frosting off it, and then washes his hands.

Kyungsoo sits on one of the barstools then, thighs pressing together.

The end result looks better than what Kyungsoo originally had in mind, even if the cake is yet to be baked, but it looks good so far and the dough is good.

Now it only has to be baked, and together, they slide it into the oven and watch it, sharing excited glances and smiles.

‘’I feel like I’m lucky,’’ Kyungsoo absentmindedly says, and something in his heart has patched up, he realizes, even if he braces himself for a future blow that might hurt even more than anything else has.

Jongin’s face is framed by the oven light as they crouch down in front of the display, looking in.

‘’What for?’’ the younger asks, curious.

Kyungsoo shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, even if the words come from his heart.

The boulder in his stomach has shrunk to an even weight, because he’s amended some things, but caused a havoc in other matters.

‘’That I’ve met you, I guess. You should’ve… you should’ve said earlier, that you wanted to be my friend. I could’ve become this happier much sooner, if I hadn’t been so stupid to look you over,’’ he grins, cheeks heating up a bit, an apology on his tongue and hidden feelings beneath. Jongin has become precious to him in a way he’s never felt someone be.

Even if they might not end up together, Kyungsoo suddenly understands why Sehun still sticks around.

Kyungsoo wants to see Jongin be happy, too, even if someone else is going to bring it to him – the romantic kind at least, though Kyungsoo has come to know that he wants to be one of those persons.

To bring Jongin the romantic kind of happiness, the friendly one, the family one… all kinds of happiness in different timelines for as long as they’re together.

But if it excludes the romantic kind – that’s okay too. As long as Kyungsoo gets to be around Jongin, it’s okay, no matter what happiness he gets to give him. He’ll make sure to be there anyhow.

‘’I like you a lot,’’ he says. ‘’I’m just… glad you’re here.’’

He knows it’s cheesy, but in one way or another, he has to show this affection, however far he can manage without it exceeding a line.

Jongin doesn’t answer, and Kyungsoo shrugs it off as him being too flimsy, but he doesn’t regret saying as he does.

He turns his head and yelps when something goes up in his view in a rather sudden motion, and he falls onto his bum and on his side, looking up.

Jongin is half-above him, apologizing profusely, and Kyungsoo is feeling hazy.

For a moment, it looked like Jongin had tried to kiss him. ‘’I’m sorry – you just, you just have some flour on your cheek and I wanted to swipe it off,’’ Jongin explains rather hurriedly, letting Kyungsoo sit up again.

Kyungsoo laughs and flaps a hand in the air.

‘’Is it still there?’’ he asks and reaches a hand up, dapping it around on his cheek.

Jongin gives a little huff and reaches his hand over; smudging at one patch, yet not in the insistent way, but kind of in a caress.

Kyungsoo looks into the eyes before him and searches.

He’s not sure what it is he’s found, but it makes his chest feel warm and his fingertips tingle in that strange way, the way that makes him want to hold, to touch, to take and to give - everything all at once.

Jongin keeps his hand there, and his thumb has stopped its motions, stopping at the corner of Kyungsoo’s eye, stretching a bit in the skin, his big palm covering the side of Kyungsoo’s cheek easily.

Kyungsoo is not sure why, but he closes his eyes, because something in the air tells him to do so. He can play it off as him enjoying the caress, but is gut-feeling hopes for something else, something ludicrous and wishful.

He nearly jerks his head when he feels something warm against his lips – a breath, and it feels like Jongin is leaning in on him.

A slam resounds from the corridor, resulting that Kyungsoo yelps and Jongin too, and Jongin’s hand is gone, taking the warmth with him.

Kyungsoo opens his eyes, and the both of them raise themselves when a huffy middle-aged woman comes in through the door with some grocery bags, pushing some long bangs out of her face with her breath.

‘’Oh – hey boys,’’ Jongin’s mother, Eunseo, greets them, looking surprised.

Her eyes get a gleam and she _‘oooh’_ s when she sees the recipe and that the oven is turned on. ‘’You’re baking a cake?’’ she asks, and playfully adds a ‘’and here I thought you’d make trouble at any chance given, Nini,’’ she puts the bags down.

Kyungsoo grins and greets her merrily, and gets a kiss on his cheek.

He might not have been here a lot, but Eunseo has been very accepting nonetheless, offering Kyungsoo to stay over countless of times with a strange enthusiasm to the point where Jongin has wrenched his hands and whined in embarrassment.

She does the same now, and tilts her head, discarding her jacket all the while. ‘’Do you want to stay over for dinner? I’m sure Jongin would love that,’’ she says, to which Jongin pipes in with a

low _‘’mom…’’_

Kyungsoo grins, and barely realizes how Eunseo doesn’t seem phased about the fact that Kyungsoo is wearing Jongin’s shirt – half-naked there with a bit of flour in his hair too, and Jongin might have gotten some on his snapback too.

‘’I’ve already got some plans for tonight with my family since my brother is coming over, but thank you for the offer. Also, I dirtied my clothes with flour, so I’m borrowing some of Jongin’s,’’ he explains then, and Eunseo merely nods.

‘’I could wash your clothes meanwhile? I don’t think it’d take too long. Otherwise, Jongin can do it for you. He’s old enough to wash his own laundry,’’ she offers.

Jongin whines again, but it’s tuned out as Eunseo gives him a strict look, and Kyungsoo is far too amused.

‘’Sorry, she’s just… very passionate,’’ Jongin groans, rubbing his temple.

They stand in front of the washing machine, and Jongin is propping Kyungsoo’s clothes in rather carelessly as he pushes some buttons and adds the necessary cleansing material.

‘’She’s sweet,’’ is what Kyungsoo responds. ‘’I can see where you’ve got that eye smile from.’’

Jongin looks confused, and then a little shy. ‘’Eye smile?’’

Kyungsoo acts it out, pinching his eyes out at the corners. ‘’Yeah, when you smile they turn crinkly, but you get some sort of gleam in your eyes, you know. It’s an eye smile. To me, at least,’’ he says, and it is as if he goes on commando. Praising or complimenting Jongin is no hard work to him, and he finds that he does it any chance given.

It makes Jongin fidget in a way that Kyungsoo finds endearing, so he’s not likely planning to stop it, smiling foxily at the floor when Jongin grumbles something about having no eye smile and that Kyungsoo is being a sap, though it’s usually Kyungsoo throwing a wording alike.

They decorate the cake together with frosting and different decorations once it has finished baking and cooling off.

Eunseo sits on a barstool on the other side, leaned over the counter with reading glasses on the brink of her nose as she reads the newspaper.

It’s comfortable, and she grins and adds some strict comments about not getting too rowdy in the background when Kyungsoo and Jongin erupt in a small frosting fight, with Kyungsoo managing to smudge a big dollop of pink sugar on the side of Jongin’s face.

Per automatic, their bodies turn to each other and they small chat as they lick off the frosting off their own fingers. Jongin complains about the stain on his face where he insists there’s still some left even if Kyungsoo tells him there’s nothing, and it’s as if they’re caught up in their own little world – forgetting Eunseo a counter away.

‘’You boys are adorable,’’ she comments, disturbing the duo, peeking over the newspaper as she tips her glasses up.

Kyungsoo smiles shyly, and Jongin rolls his eyes.

Jongin says he has to go to the bathroom, and gives Kyungsoo the _‘I’m-watching-you’_ gesture, because they’ve been discussing whether there should be those green candy ribbons on the cake, which Jongin finds absolutely grotesque while Kyungsoo persists and wants them there.

It leaves Kyungsoo with Eunseo, and they fall into a comfortable chat about the school and how Kyungsoo is doing.

‘’I can remember how Jongin used to talk about you all the time back in kindergarten,’’ Eunseo fondly mentions all of sudden, and Kyungsoo is in the middle of sneakily putting on a green ribbon on the cake in protest to Jongin.

He stops, though, and looks up. ‘’What?’’ he murmurs haphazardly.

Eunseo’s smile turns an inch wider.

‘’You didn’t know? He talked about a little lad he called Soo, who had owl eyes and a bowl cut,’’ she makes a motion with her hands and mimics Kyungsoo’s eyes, and Kyungsoo would laugh, but something like astonishment takes place on his face.

Eunseo continues. ‘’He mentioned you a couple of times through elementary school as well. But I clearly remember the day he came home and said he wanted to be friends with a boy named Soo.’’

Kyungsoo swallows thickly, and the expression on his face must make Eunseo think of something, because she tilts her head.

‘’You’ve probably already gotten the story,’’ she says with a little laugh. ‘’It’s cute. Jongin’s been in love with you for many years now, but I’m happy to see you’ve finally gotten together. I can see that Jongin’s happy,’’ she puts her glasses down again, smiling heartily, a mother who’s happy for her son. ‘’He’s been in such a good mood the past months, even if he had some fights with Sehun.’’

The paper crackles a bit as she adjusts it, and she gives Kyungsoo the well-known eye smile. ‘’And,’’ her smile is mischievous but knowing, ‘’if you ever need some privacy here, you can just tell me to turn up the volume of the television,’’ she says, good-naturedly and with a jut that is there to encourage Kyungsoo.

Something is stuck in Kyungsoo’s throat, and he stares and stares, dropping the candy ribbons in his palm so that they clack on the kitchen counter.

Eunseo looks befuddled – maybe a little worried, and lowers the paper. ‘’Kyungsoo?’’ she tries.

Jongin decides to show his face just then, popping in as he slides in behind Kyungsoo, murmuring something about Kyungsoo better not having put any damn ribbons on that cake.

He takes his glass of water, nestling it in his palm. ‘’What were you guys talking ‘bout?’’ he aimlessly asks, looking the cake over, putting the edge of the glass up to his lips, ‘’not something about me, right?’’ he chuckles and takes a sip.

Eunseo smiles. ‘’I was just telling Kyungsoo about your crush from kindergarten and up until now,’’ she says, looking confused about Kyungsoo, who continues to stand there, stiffly, unmoving.

Jongin chokes and gets some water in the wrong pipe, startling both Kyungsoo and Eunseo, and the brunet coughs so that Kyungsoo has to pat him on the back and ask him if he’s okay.

Jongin’s eyes are red when he’s cleared his throat, and he croaks a _‘’what?’’_

Eunseo looks worried as of now, furrowing her brows. ‘’About your crush on Kyungsoo, you know- from kindergarten?’’ she tries, and Jongin gets a panic-stricken look in his eyes, breath caught in his lungs.

Eunseo’s gaze shifts between Kyungsoo, who is wide-eyed and shocked, to Jongin, whose face is blanching, jaw setting and his knuckles turning white.

‘’Mom…,’’ Jongin begins, and his voice is a little garbled – vulnerable and like daggers to Kyungsoo’s ears.

Eunseo’s eyes widen, as if she just now realizes what’s happening, and she wildly looks between them again, and then back at Jongin, holding a hand over her mouth, ‘’you’re not –? I- oh my,’’ she looks petrified, raising herself to reach Jongin, but Jongin is turning on his heels, his whole body tense and shoulders squared.

The fingers wrapping around his wrist stop him though, dragging him back as Kyungsoo smoothens his hands up Jongin’s bicep and forearm, patting it lightly, keeping him by his side, noticing how Jongin stiffens.

‘’Uh-‘’ Kyungsoo stumbles, lower lip worrying, and he holds his gaze on Eunseo because he’s not sure if he can look at Jongin right now due to the way his heart is thumping like that of a rabbit.

‘’It’s fine- I’ve already heard it,’’ his voice breaks over and he gulps. ‘’I’m in love-‘’ he takes a deep breath,

‘’I’m in love with Jongin too, so it’s- it’s great! **_Haha_ -**‘’ his toes are curling and he feels his palms turn clammy.

‘’It’s cute,’’ he says, voice small and timid, and he can feel that his face must resemble a tomato

now.

The thing is just that there’s no humor in his voice, and this is a confession.

This is a direct confession he hasn’t expected to leave his tongue, and definitely not this way.

Something travels across Eunseo’s face, and then she grimaces; regarding Jongin with a halfangry stare.

_‘’Honestly,’’_ she says, holding a hand over her chest. ‘’Don’t prank me like that, Jongin!’’ she shakes her head. ‘’You scared me.’’

It takes a while before Jongin reacts, but then his posture softens, and his voice is small but mellow, a ‘’sorry, mom- it was just… a joke,’’ and Eunseo huffs again but pays it no real mind.

She starts talking about their school again and Jongin’s dance practice, and Jongin is a little stiff, but he answers nonetheless.

This is surreal.

Kyungsoo’s mouth is like cotton, and his feet feel weird beneath him as he pads around and cleans the last stuff while Jongin continues decorating the cake, and Eunseo leaves the kitchen to sit in the living room and watch TV.

Kyungsoo is not sure what he feels right now.

At the same time, he can hear every beat of his temples like it’s the thrum of his heart – quick and indulging, a throbbing that makes him stare straight into the desk in front of him where he stands, back turned to Jongin behind him.

Maybe Eunseo was kidding.

Maybe it was just a kindergarten crush and Jongin no longer likes Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo has just confessed his love to someone who no longer likes him?

Jongin said he already has someone he loves, so –

Kyungsoo jolts when he feels a hand warp around his bicep, turning him around.

He shuts his eyes, and today – this time, he doesn’t want to see the face of rejection yet. It hurts already, it aches and it comes in waves of nausea. He only waits for the blow that has come sooner than expected.

However, what he’s met by is a face nudging into the juncture of his throat, where Jongin shakily breathes out, warm air fanning over Kyungsoo’s skin.

Jongin embraces him and wraps his arms securely around him, his nose tip digging, and Kyungsoo can hear how heavy Jongin’s breath is – stuttering every now and then, barely contained with tremors and emotions threatening to spill over.

Kyungsoo takes it, though. He returns it and hugs Jongin or rather clings koala-style as he lets the latter cuddle him, until they’ve been standing there for ten minutes straight, breathing each other in.

‘’Kyungsoo,’’ Jongin says, and it’s shaky and vulnerable, but soft in a different way, a little throaty.

Kyungsoo’s hands tighten the hold they have on the back of Jongin’s shirt, and he clutches the material between his fingers, holding the other close.

They withdraw after a while, and he finds that Jongin’s eyes are a little glazed and bared, matching Kyungsoo’s own.

The elder closes his eyes, this time searching in the dark; finding what he seeks.

He feels warmth trace over his lips, a breath that makes him quiver until Jongin presses their mouths together in a chaste but firm kiss.

Kyungsoo’s brows scrunch together and he gulps when Jongin withdraws, a knot unfurling in his stomach that spreads a tingly feeling through his system, accompanied by the heat that comes when Jongin closes the distance again.

This one lingers, and their lips melt together as Jongin’s hand reaches up and cradles the back of Kyungsoo’s head, all the while his other arm is around Kyungsoo’s waist, dragging him in.

It’s a peck, followed by another till their lips stick to each other and a small sloppy sound comes from detaching them.

Kyungsoo cracks his eyes a bit open in reflex when something warm traces his lower lip. The both of them are breathing heavily, air mingling; Jongin angling his head a bit as he licks the inner-seam of Kyungsoo’s lower lip.

Kyungsoo’s eyes turn shut and his fingers are shaking, but still hold Jongin firmly when Jongin takes it as an invitation and licks into Kyungsoo’s mouth – tongue gently prodding against Kyungsoo’s own. The elder flinches, startled by the electric feeling coursing down his spine.

Jongin tastes like candy due to the frosting; sweet and sugary.

And he makes a deep sound in the back of his throat in contentment – eager, so, so eager, backing Kyungsoo against the desk so that Kyungsoo’s bum hits the edge, pressed there as Jongin guides the kiss in an urgent but intimate pace.

Having no experience, Kyungsoo lets himself be guided, and even if he’s insecure, he opens his mouth and lets Jongin roam around, lets their tongues meet in the middle when Jongin urges Kyungsoo to mimic the motions.

Jongin breathes through his nose and makes another sound, and he captures Kyungsoo, starved as he rubs their tongues together between them and drags his upper lip over Kyungsoo’s tongue, sucking on the tip.

Kyungsoo barely realizes how he’s been making soft sounds, small gasps and other undefinable noises, his gut drenched in heat and underwear feeling tight, and Jongin has a clothed leg nestled in between the naked thighs.

They stare into each other’s eyes again, even if the both of them are timid. Kyungsoo is in a haze and eagerly opens his mouth again when Jongin dives in, this time the kiss rowdier and with more breathless sounds, heavy shifts and wet smacks each time they let go and unite again.

_‘’ **Jongin!’** ’_

The two of them startle, and Jongin nearly stubs his toe on the same counter as before, vividly looking over his shoulder, and Kyungsoo too, their lips kissed swollen from how they must’ve continued for quite a while for the both of them to get so worked up.

Eunseo stands there in the doorframe to the living room, arms crossed, playful but serious. ‘’In your room!’ he says, ‘’keep it in **_the room_** ,’’ she corrects herself.

Jongin frantically nods and Kyungsoo might as well set aflame from the embarrassment creeping up to his cheeks.

Kyungsoo clears his throat.

He wears a warm pair of pants and a shirt fresh from the dryer, having tugged himself into his jacket and has his bag slung over his shoulder, standing outside.

Jongin is in the open doorframe, and they stand before each other, silence ebbing between them, but not necessarily the bad kind.

Kyungsoo guesses that the both of them need some time to take this in – whatever this is, and for Kyungsoo, he can barely believe that this is happening.

It must feel even more surreal to Jongin.

Gooseflesh rises over Jongin’s tan skin, he rubs his biceps, smiling awkwardly, and Kyungsoo returns it. Both of their jaws are dusted with some color that hasn’t come from the cold.

‘’So,’’ Kyungsoo starts.

‘’It was… it was nice,’’ he says, referring to the arrangement, of baking a cake since Kyungsoo’s birthday is in mere days.

‘’Yeah,’’ Jongin agrees, chuckling nervously. ‘’It was nice.’’ Kyungsoo’s lips still feel warm.

He had been pink around his ears when he had to waddle to Jongin’s bedroom, drawing down in the oversized shirt to hide his hard-on.

‘’You’re-‘’ the younger starts.

Kyungsoo looks up.

‘’You’re in love with me?’’ Jongin sounds incredulous, somehow, but with a hint of hope, of desperation and longing, something Kyungsoo wants to dull and reassure.

The elder nods, first once, then twice and then a whole lot of times, saying nothing – because he might as well start wailing from the relief.

Jongin’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down.

‘’I love you too.’’

They stare at each other.

Kyungsoo’s mouth wobbles into a sheepish smile, and his brows are arching helplessly. He’s dreamt of this, but now where it’s very much real, he’s not sure how dating goes, or what happens once he’s confessed and been… accepted.

His expectations have never gone further.

Jongin clears his throat. ‘’Uh.’’ ‘’See you, then, Soo.’’ He smiles.

Kyungsoo returns it and nods, again and again, and then turns around to walk away.

He only manages to go three steps before he stops.

He takes another step, then stops.

Then he turns around, and sees that Jongin still stands there.

He turns around again and steps forward, then back.

He turns around himself and whines aloud, twisting his hands in the hem of his jacket, and he sees how Jongin looks confused; not able to read Kyungsoo’s inner monologue.

Kyungsoo gathers some courage and then waddles back, and stands on tiptoes to peck Jongin on the lips, just a quick one – because he’s always wanted to do it like this.

A goodbye kiss, something… something boyfriends do.

Something people who love each other do.

Jongin looks surprised, but then a silly smile spreads on his features and Kyungsoo yelps when he’s kissed back.

Jongin keeps kissing him repeatedly, small chaste ones, until Kyungsoo is laughing and has to hold on, trying to shake Jongin off but not really.

It ends with Kyungsoo who has to demand Jongin to stop, even if it’s only half-hearted and they end up kissing again, standing there for another ten minutes with, maybe, another make-out session until Kyungsoo feels a familiar heat in his gut and has to shove Jongin off.

Jongin whines and they share one last kiss.

Then another one.

Then just a fifth after the final, this one on the forehead, and Kyungsoo is smiling stupidly as he walks away, turning around to wave to Jongin for every tenth step he takes.

Kyungsoo goes to bed that night with a sore forehead, since he accidentally walked into one of the lampposts when he was waving to Jongin.

He goes to bed screeching into his hands, because he realizes that the one who’s luckyThe one who is lucky to be loved and to be noticed by Jongin, Is him.

Moreover, it has always been.

He’s never been a wallflower.

He could’ve had Jongin in an earlier age or become his friend, and maybe not – maybe things would not have turned out this way if that had been the case.

He realizes that while he’s had eyes for Sehun, and Sehun has had eyes for Jongin, Jongin had eyes for Kyungsoo, all along – and everything suddenly makes sense.

Everything Sehun has said.

In any case, Kyungsoo’s heart is beating a joyful dance, and there’s so much he’s yet to experience, but this must be one of the most wonderful feelings he’s ever had.

However, his night is not spent sleeping.

He feels unusually restless, and he can’t come up with a proper reason as to why.

Despite the joy of yesterday, the moment he wakes, he feels his bones shake and he wheezes out.

Today, he has to face Jongin, knowing that something new has happened between them.

The realization of yesterday’s happenings and consequences _really_ catch up on Kyungsoo, and he goes to class on tentative feet.

His friends easily notice that something is off, and Kyungsoo is not sure how this is going to go.

Jongin could regret it, or maybe it was a prank, or perhaps it will forever be awkward and they only date for a few days, so-

‘’Hey Soo,’’ a voice sounds in Kyungsoo’s ear, and Kyungsoo shrieks, though it’s muffled when Jongin clamps a hand over his mouth.

‘’Don’t disturb the class in the morning hours,’’ Jongin laughs, ‘’it’ll be a lion’s den if you’re too loud.’’

Kyungsoo laughs too, and for some reason, the both of them end up chuckling, not knowing why – sitting together.

Kyungsoo quickly finds that not much has changed, even if the first minutes are silent and awkward, with Jongin looking worried.

However, Jongin puts a subtle hand on Kyungsoo’s thigh, one that usually rests on Kyungsoo’s knee instead, and that in itself is enough to show that there’s a change.

Yesterday happened, and Jongin stands by his words, and so does Kyungsoo.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun side-eyes the action and Yifan is smiling to his phone, but none of them say anything, though Baekhyun slides a piece of paper over to Kyungsoo during the next class where the words _**‘U** **glow lyk a preggo lady :)’**_ are written.

Kyungsoo is to figure that not much changes.

Jongin is still the same, and so is Kyungsoo.

But they’re closer.

They celebrate their birthdays together the day after Kyungsoo’s birthday, a day before Jongin’s own, and they cuddle all night – with a lot of unlucky erections and half-assed, desperate explanations from Kyungsoo’s side.

And the next time they head home together, a week later of subtle dating, this time to Kyungsoo’s house, Jongin is all grabby hands and lines Kyungsoo up the wall the moment they step in.

Jongin indulges him in a deepening kiss where Kyungsoo flusters, because the latter might have been courageous at Jongin’s house, but he’s in no haze of disbelief now, and he _knows_ that he’s no expert, _knows_ that he’s never been touched by anyone intimately, or french kissed.

Kyungsoo squawks each time and hides behind the sofa, or laughs in nervousness because he’s tense all over and it makes the touches tickle, mixed with the feeling of arousal that taunts him and makes him shield a pillow over his crotch whenever Jongin gets too eager.

It’s not that Jongin pushes himself on Kyungsoo, but his fingers are sneaky, and Kyungsoo wants to give in, even if weeks pass with their newfound dating where they take it slow and spend more time together, not having told anyone about their relationship yet.

However, there are knowing eyes out there.

Kyungsoo realizes that today.

He sits in class, and Sehun comes over and chats with the lot, drumming his fingers on Kyungsoo’s hand as he makes a snide remark as per the usual, but strays some bangs out of Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Sehun might not have noticed anything yet, because Kyungsoo and Jongin have been subtle about

it.

Maybe because Jongin also knows that it has to go slow, that there are still scars left behind, marred somewhere that makes it harder for them to just jump into it.

Kyungsoo realizes that, because he remembers Sehun’s words from a long time ago.

_‘’I hope we can stay friends.’’_

Letting Jongin get closer to himself has also been hard, because these thoughts pop up Kyungsoo’s mind.

Not for his own behalf, but for Sehun’s, a third counterpart that still plays a role, even if one would think that it’s about Jongin and Kyungsoo now.

Kyungsoo needs to know. Needs to understand and needs to hear something certain from Sehun.

A third – a new boulder shapes in his stomach when he looks Sehun in the eyes, and asks if they can talk after school.

Sehun is scrolling down Facebook on his phone, at first presenting a quirky comment at the hesitation in Kyungsoo’s voice, as if Sehun is dangerous, but when the taller sees the look in Kyungsoo’s eyes, he understands that this is about something important.

Jongin has been like a puppy today and sent Kyungsoo long looks through the class, but Kyungsoo has to tell him to go ahead after school.

Jongin is about to ask why, though it dims as he sees that Sehun lines up next to Kyungsoo, and

Jongin understands.

He turns around and leaves, waving to the both of them, making a gun-clicking gesture to Sehun, and a little hand sign that he will call Kyungsoo later. Kyungsoo side-eyes Sehun, noticing that Sehun barely reacts on it.

They stand there then, side by side, and Kyungsoo feels strange.

He stands next to the person he’s dreamt of being with for the past many years, and in less than a half year, his heart has fled to somewhere else – been captured by Jongin, who is Sehun’s best friend.

The one who Sehun loves.

Kyungsoo thinks that not much is fair, and if he had been in Sehun’s shoes, it would’ve hurt. It would’ve hurt a lot –

To have a taste of the person one desires the most, and to watch that person leave for someone else.

Sehun tilts his head and raises a brow, and he looks content. He looks happy.

He doesn’t look like he’s in love.

‘’Sehun,’’ Kyungsoo says, and Sehun smiles. ‘’Yeah?’’

Kyungsoo realizes that Sehun has become dear to him, too.

He doesn’t want to lose Sehun for someone else, as much as he doesn’t want to lose Jongin either.

‘’I… I know this is sudden, but,’’ Kyungsoo wriggles his nose.

‘’What if I said I’m in love with Jongin?’’

They stand in the classroom, and Kyungsoo is sitting on his desk, scratching one knee, eyes not going anywhere but staying on Sehun this time.

There have been many things holding Kyungsoo back from admitting that he got a crush on Jongin so easily.

One is the fear of losing Sehun.

Sehun licks his lips, and he sits down as well on the opposite desk, as tall he is, his ankles brushing Kyungsoo’s.

‘’I’d say it was about fucking time you got your head up.’’

There’s no menace in the words. Something bitter, maybe, but mostly amusement.

Kyungsoo blinks.

Sehun runs a hand through his bleached locks. ‘’Kyungsoo, I know,’’ he says.

‘’I know Jongin has been in love with you for years.’’

He looks down. ‘’I knew you were in love with me. But I was jealous. I was angry with you…,’’

He laughs, and it’s short. ‘’I hated you.’’

‘’Because I knew I couldn’t get Jongin to look at me the way he’s always looked at you. And I knew that you didn’t see Jongin, for all the effort he had spent trying to catch your attention. I thought you were unworthy, but I barely realized that I was a key to the play as well. I was your demon. Jongin was mine. You were Jongin’s. No one was to blame.’’ Another pause.

‘’I know I’m dear to Jongin. I’ve always known, and we’ll still continue to be best friends, I’m sure...’’

‘’But I also know that…. Jongin is happy, and that he could always have been, if just I had encouraged him. I kept him for myself, and I tried to prove myself to him as the last resort with the… the dating thing and all.’’

‘’We had sex,’’ he says, and he is blunt. ‘’Lots of it, and I tried. I tried to make him love me.’’

‘’But I couldn’t. I couldn’t force him to love me, and I knew that.’’

Sehun mucks around every now and then, and might have done so for years regarding his feelings with Jongin, but not now.

‘’That’s why it doesn’t hurt, right now. I had it coming, really. I knew it a long time ago, but I put my frustrations out on you…. Until I realized that it wasn’t your fault either. And I realized that… I needed to let go. To make myself happy. To realize that my relationship with Jongin can still be great, even if we’re not in love. That romantic love isn’t everything; platonic friendship and the love that comes from that can be just as important as well.’’

Sehun shrugs as he speaks, somewhat light-heartedly, but mostly in a relieved manner. ‘’That love is love, and it fucks around with your brain, with your feelings and all that. With relationships of all kinds as well.’’

He smiles, and this one is a private and unique smile – one that’s just for Kyungsoo, and him only.

‘’Out of this, I’ve gotten new friends. It’s tough shit, but in the end, I wouldn’t have it any other way. And I’m sure you feel that way too.’’ He’s honest.

‘’I’m not over Jongin yet. But I will be. So don’t worry, Kyungsoo. I’m not blaming you, and I’m not going anywhere, because you’ve become a good friend of mine.’’ He grins.

‘’I know how loveable Jongin is. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the puppy looks he’s been sending your way lately. It’s not like he’s being subtle…’’ Sehun jokes, sighing softly.

It’s silent between them for a while, and Kyungsoo’s shoulders start shaking.

Sehun raises himself, the table rattling a bit from the motion, and he drags Kyungsoo into his arms, letting Kyungsoo smudge his face there – feeling how his shirt becomes wet.

Kyungsoo is crying, sniffling quietly.

From relief.

From tension, from happiness and from past sorrow.

From his love that once was rejected, one that has been patched up and finally put behind.

From a puzzle braided between teenagers, one that has went on for years, one that has finally been solved.

He can feel that something inside him has patched up, moved on….

That something has settled down, a peace that’ll make him sleep without any trouble tonight.

One that makes his heart beat with a newfound confidence –

With new friends, a partner, and more than one kind of love.

 


	2. Continuation material: Nc-17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation material: Nc-17.

 

‘’How do you lose your virginity?’’ Kyungsoo sits down, eyes hawk-like and attentive.

Baekhyun’s mouth draws into a line, and he looks up from his books, sniffing solemnly.

Yifan plops another chocolate bunny into his mouth and munches quietly, narrowing his eyes. ‘’What’s the occasion, big boy?’’ Baekhyun drawls, and Yifan looks smug.

Kyungsoo flounders but keeps it down. It’s early, but class will first start in twenty minutes, so he’s got enough time.

‘’I just- please help me. I just  _need_ to know,’’ he urges on, fingers wriggling.

Yifan arches a brow. ‘’Don’t you watch porn?’’

Baekhyun scoffs. ‘’If you follow the instructions in porn you get a banshee and an apple in your ass or a fist, who knows. Just don’t.’’

Yifan disagrees. ‘’It’s worth a shot. Don’t you have a collection at home anyway, Soo?’’

Kyungsoo bristles – ‘’it was  _one_  video, and Seungsoo gave it to me when I was fifteen!’’

‘’Whatever you say. I’m sure some must’ve been added since then.’’

‘’There’s not- just-  _never mind_ ,’’ Kyungsoo rubs his temples and sighs.

Baekhyun leans forward. ‘’Well, as far as I know, a man sticks his big meaty wand up your princely hol-‘’

Yifan interrupts, ‘’no,  _no_ ’’ he holds a hand in the air, looking important. ‘’Your swag will fuse together and you-‘’

 _‘’ **I said never mind!’** ’_ Kyungsoo moans and thumps his head on his desk, sighing aloud, shoulders slumping. ‘’It’s not that- I just, I’m so nervous.’’

He looks up through his bangs, since they’ve become longer. ‘’You haven’t even lost yours yet, Baek.’’

A silence erupts between the trio and Yifan side-eyes Baekhyun while Baekhyun grimaces, nostrils flaring when he makes the ‘uh’ face.

‘’What,’’ Kyungsoo deadpans.

Baekhyun flashes a tight-lipped smile. ‘’Uh, you know there was that party two weeks ago, rightand uh, I was drunk and… with Chanyeol.’’

It takes a moment before the words seep in.

‘’You lost your virginity  ** _without me?_** ’’ Kyungsoo bellows and Baekhyun has to pinch his arm.

‘’Whataya mean with  _‘without me’_ , Kyung, this ain’t no cluster for nuns! I can’t have you standing by the foot end like some fairy godmother while I ram ass for the first time,’’ he hisses back, trying to keep their voices low.

Yifan snorts.

‘’You should’ve told me!’’

‘’Oh, because it stands in the codex?’’

‘’What codex?’’

‘’The one your mom whispered into my ear last ni _\- Yikes-_  don’t hit, Soo!’’

Kyungsoo glowers. ‘’I’m never going to forgive you.’’

‘’Oh my god, Soo,’’ Baekhyun laughs and pets Kyungsoo’s hair. ‘’It was nothing special. But it reasons why Chanyeol and I started dating and all, yanno?’’

‘’It was nothing special, really,’’ Yifan agrees. ‘’I barged in on them, and-‘’

‘’Yifan I swear if you finish that sentence-‘’ Baekhyun stares daggers, and Yifan shuts his mouth.

‘’You were at the party too?’’ Kyungsoo asks, but then he remembers. ‘’Ah- it was the one I had to decline going to,’’ he says to himself. Not that he really attends many parties anyway, though Jongin insists on dragging him out.

‘’Yeah, because you and your boyfriend had to go plant hope in the ground somewhere in heaven and jump through flower stands,’’ Baekhyun offers.

‘’We went on a  ** _camp_**  trip!’’

‘’When it’s still kind of chilly outside? I hope you went skinny-dipping.’’ Kyungsoo is silent, swinging his legs under the table.

Baekhyun gapes. ‘’You went skinny-dipping and Jongin still hasn’t dipped his stick in the honey yet- oh my-‘’ Kyungsoo slaps Baekhyun’s knee.

‘’How do you know he’s the one who- who… dips.. the stick..,’’ Kyungsoo trails off. ‘’It could be me as well. Size doesn’t matter, you know. It’s me!’’ Yifan and Baekhyun offer him a long stare.

‘’It’s got nothing to do with that, because you can just switch positions anyway, but dude, I found that bottle in your drawer and-‘’

‘’Just- okay. Okay. Right so, so  _yes_  we haven’t hit homerun yet, are you happy now?’’ Kyungsoo flaps his hands in the air.

‘’I thought Jongin was an animal?’’

‘’They are told to be in bed, at least. Dancers, you know. Good hip thrust-‘’ ‘’Can you please just help me out,’’ Kyungsoo pleads.

‘’What’s the problem? You’ve been together for what- two months now? Two and a half? There’s no need to rush. If you don’t feel like it, then don’t do it.’’

‘’But I want to!’’

Yifan leans back. ‘’You know, Jongin would do anything for you, Soo. The first time is just a first time, you know, not some romanticized bullshit from the books with rose petals descending from the sky and suddenly Jesus is there and you see the light.’’

‘’Where do you even get that fro-‘’

‘’- Anyway, it might be awkward, might hurt – might not even hurt and could be intimate instead.

Let Jongin take care of you and enjoy it? If there’s anything you’re uncomfortable with, tell him.

Just take it easy. You don’t need to do the stuff they do in porn movies,’’ Yifan finishes.

Baekhyun mulls on this. ‘’You have a girlfriend, right? Shitmeow?’’

Yifan grimaces. ‘’Zitao, and he’s a boy.’’

Kyungsoo guffaws. ‘’She’s a boy? I mean- he’s a she- he’s a he-‘’ he fumbles, and Baekhyun is looking incredulous.

‘’I thought Shitmeow was some foreign female model who kicks ass and gives boys unlucky erections?’’

‘’It’s Zitao.’’

‘’Well, Shitmeow is hot, so-‘’

**‘’Zitao.’’**

‘’Shitmeow-‘’

‘’Just- never mind. Never mind.’’

Kyungsoo breaks the silence, sounding perplexed.

‘’Yifan—you’re queer as well?’’ Yifan sighs.

Kyungsoo’s palms are clammy.

Something they haven’t been for a long time, ever since things started to even out, and stuff has become better between all of them – less strained, and with more space for Kyungsoo and Jongin and their relationship to grow.

On the other hand, Sehun seems to have a temporary or hopefully continuous flirt with a dolllooking foreign stud from the other class.

One who punched the door down and went in, catching Sehun by the collar as he said it was

about time they went on a date because he had waited long enough for  _‘’you to get that fucking ice tap out of your ass’’_.

Yet what makes Kyungsoo feel jittery is something else.

He and Jongin have talked about it.

The thing.

The doing thing.

The thing couples do, when they like each other.

Love each other a lot, if both partners are into it, of course.

The… sex.

The sex thing.

Kyungsoo clutches at his face, back against the wall as he wheezes out, sitting on his bed with his knees drawn up.

It’s not that they haven’t done  _things_ before, and Kyungsoo has been out of his mind lusting for Jongin in the evenings whenever the latter left or when Kyungsoo went home with too much churning in his stomach, and recently had to buy a new bottle of lube for… reasons.

However, Kyungsoo hasn’t got as much experience as Jongin, and they’ve both agreed to grow into the relationship before they take this step.

Now they’ve been together for almost three months, and Kyungsoo feels that he’s ready, though he’s timid about his own presentation, whether it will hurt or feel good or maybe Kyungsoo’s going to do something embarrassing.

Kyungsoo remembers how he accidentally kneed Jongin in the face the first time Jongin tried to go down on him, and Jongin had to say he got a ball on the eye the next day in school because his eye was a little swollen and faintly colored.

Sehun had just sat beside Kyungsoo and smiled like the devil himself, and even if Sehun had no proof about his theories, Kyungsoo almost felt like the latter had picked blackmail on him.

Kyungsoo remembers that when it was his turn to go down on Jongin, he nearly puked and ended up red-faced because he thought he could take more. He was grimacing while saying  _ **‘’Jongin, why’re you so big?’’**_ **,** and he hadn’t meant for it to be sexual, but rather a grudge, but Jongin’s eyes had only grown more hooded even if Kyungsoo was rasping for air and petting his own throat.

Kyungsoo has come to find that rolling in the hay, as he finely desires to describe it, is a little more difficult than what he had first thought, and not as easy as it seems to be in porn videos.

Sure, it’s fun, and practice  _has_  made Kyungsoo better, especially when he’s begun to dominate the kisses, making Jongin moan into his mouth from time to time, realizing that it feels good to make Jongin feel good too.

Kyungsoo remembers what it feels like to have his fingers wrapped around Jongin’s cock – with Jongin puffing out hotly against the shell of Kyungsoo’s ear, either with occasional groans or moans, the good kinds, the ones that send heat down Kyungsoo’s spine and makes his grip more experimental or harder, the way he knows Jongin likes it.

He remembers the way Jongin enjoys trailing kisses down Kyungsoo’s chest, or likes it when Kyungsoo does it in return and kisses him on the sensitive skin behind his ear.

Kyungsoo has come to know that there’s nothing better than doing an anime marathon with his boyfriend, while they snuggle and burrow themselves in duvets, and then kiss a lot, eat some pizza and then kiss some more or give each other a hand job.

There are the occasional disagreements here or there or episodes where Jongin snorts too loud when he laughs his buffoon grin, or with Kyungsoo accidentally kicking Jongin out of the bed during the nights because he moves in his sleep.

There are bad morning breaths, rather nasty but amusing moments of memorizing each other’s farts, and habits to learn.

There are discussions too; the vile kinds where Jongin might get moody too easily and Kyungsoo’s mouth is flighty and he might say some things he doesn’t mean.

Yet by the end of the day, Jongin always sends a goodnight message that sometimes says:  _‘’Goodnight love, sleep well and think of me_ ’’ changing with a different cheesy line each time.

No hearts though, but just the words, since Kyungsoo is the one who’s an excessive smiley user. It leaves Kyungsoo smiling into his pillow as he sighs and feels a little dreamy and more than teenager-like with his first real relationship.

He knows that the first heap of crushing on each other will pass, and then the rest comes, the deeper kind where disagreements or other hardships will occur but also good moments too, along with college in the future where they are to go on different lines.

But right now Kyungsoo should focus on what he can do in the current time, so that’s what he’s going to do, and he’s going to get the best out if it, he has decided.

Right after he’s done hyperventilating about the fact that Jongin is going to bring condoms tonight, and there are only ten minutes left until the younger is estimated to arrive.

Evening puts its blanket over the city, and Kyungsoo’s parents are currently out of town, meaning it will just be Jongin and him with the house for themselves.

Kyungsoo has calmed a bit down when the doorbell rings, because he’s excited to have Jongin over for the weekend.

The assignments in class have been getting worse as of lately the closer the end of the semester gets, so time ebbs out and is spent on homework and studying instead or on sleeping or complaining. It’s nice with the weekends where they can relax.

Jongin is wearing something lighter this time for the slightly chilly night, a light coat, a simple tshirt and some jeans, and Kyungsoo is just plopped in casual things since he took a shower an hour ago; sweatpants, woolen socks and one of Jongin’s t-shirts that he has somewhat permanently borrowed for sleepwear.

‘’Hey bubble butt,’’ Jongin greets, a wide almost dreamy smile on his lips.

Kyungsoo snorts, opening the door for him.

‘’Hey handsome,’’ he says then, because Jongin has a thing for being called that, though his ego on the dance floor is already above the roofs, even if he’s modest about it.

Jongin sheds his jacket and hangs it up, and he has a bag in his hand that he drops on the ground.

Kyungsoo eyes it closely, pretending that the jitter in his stomach isn’t there as he reaches up and embraces Jongin, giving him a couple of chaste kisses on the mouth.

Jongin’s mouth is a little cold from the weather, but lovely nonetheless, especially against Kyungsoo’s.

‘’Do you have Netflix ready?’’ he jokes, and Kyungsoo nods.

The younger has already eaten dinner from home, so they can spend the evening watching a movie or… doing other things.

Kyungsoo’s toes curl again and he turns around and pads into the kitchen.

He might as well prepare something to drink for them, and he looks in the refrigerator, humming slightly under his breath – trying to dull the mix of nervousness and giddiness buzzing under his skin.

Jongin comes in, and Kyungsoo can hear how he settles against one of the kitchen counters a little behind the other.

‘’Your shoulders are tense,’’ he says, and Kyungsoo nearly bumps his head into the upper shelf.

He turns around bug-eyed, chortling a ‘’no!’’, flapping a hand. ‘’I’m- just, uh-‘’ he trails off, because Jongin already knows him too well.

Jongin is smiling, and he has his moments of awkwardness or shyness, Kyungsoo has easily come to figure, but right now, he’s levelheaded.

‘’I’m nervous too,’’ he says, and he steps closer, placing his hands on Kyungsoo’s hips, standing before him, just like that.

He has a warm smile on his face.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. ‘’So I might be nervous, yeah…,’’ he admits.

They’ve gotten close to it once, and that was last week where Kyungsoo was spread out on Jongin’s lap, his bum on a pillow while Jongin took his time to stretch him open with his fingers, providing a bigger stretch with three fingers than what Kyungsoo has been able to manage with his own.

Jongin had been attentive and used slow but firm motions, until Kyungsoo had been writhing and panting, even if it took a lot of time for him to loosen up and let Jongin take the lead.

They could have done it there, but Kyungsoo just needed a bit more time – a little more until he felt he was ready, and Jongin was all okay with that.

‘’You know, first times topping is easier for some. Do you want to?’’ Jongin offers. He’s said this before.

Kyungsoo muffles a laugh, because he’s already bad at taking the lead anyhow, and to roam above Jongin is not something he’s confident with right now, even if Jongin could still take the lead during such circumstances.

The thought has just not crossed his mind yet.

‘’No it’s- it’s fine, maybe another time,’’ he says.

‘’Tonight, I want you to…,’’ he gulps and plays with the hem of Jongin’s shirt, rolling the fabric between a thumb and forefinger.

He looks up and may or may not pout, or maybe he just looks aggressive or on the verge of crying

– he’s not sure. ‘’… just want you to fuck me.’’

Jongin’s face is unmoving for a couple of seconds, and he licks his lips.

Then he grants a crooked smile and looks away, color rising on his cheeks before he swallows heavily and nods and his eyes get that hooded twist within, his jaw setting.

‘’Okay,’’ he breathes out, nodding again. ‘’Then let me take care of you.’’

They stay there for a while, something travelling between them, and Kyungsoo lets out a nervous laugh when Jongin leans in and aligns their lips.

He melts into the kiss and traces his hands up Jongin’s form, catching the fabric of the shirt on the back, and Jongin, despite occupied, manages to close the refrigerator door behind Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo makes a light sound when Jongin starts dragging him a little back, turning the both of them around, and the elder finds himself hoisted up on the kitchen desk where Jongin wedges in between his legs, palms rubbing over the start of Kyungsoo’s thighs.

Their mouths don’t leave each other yet, and wet sounds emerge from the doings when it goes from chaste to open-mouthed and Jongin lets out a deep sound, the one he always does whenever Kyungsoo opens up for him and the kiss deepens.

Kyungsoo inches closer so that he sits a bit on the edge of the counter even if it digs into the back of his thighs, but he likes that Jongin is closer this way.

Jongin snakes his hands beneath his boyfriend’s shirt, likes that Kyungsoo’s voice hitches amidst a hum when a nipple is traced, when Jongin circles it with a thumb just to make it pert before dragging the shirt off.

Kyungsoo’s head gets stuck in the loop, and they share a breathy grin when it comes off and his hair sticks up everywhere.

Jongin starts trailing open-mouthed kisses down Kyungsoo’s throat, murmuring small encouragements, telling him he likes what he sees as his hands roam and do as they like, one sliding down Kyungsoo’s spine and every bump and ridge there.

Baring his throat, Kyungsoo lets Jongin have it all, shoulders hunching and thighs clenching when Jongin’s breath ghosts over one collarbone, followed by wet smacks when the latter sucks a hickey there and then another one.

Kyungsoo does something reminding of a yelp when he’s suddenly rustled with, because Jongin grasps the back of his thighs and slides Kyungsoo’s bum further out so that Kyungsoo falls onto his back on the cold marble counter, legs spread wide and lightly strained as they hover in the air on each side where Jongin fits in.

Jongin starts pulling the sweatpants down, and Kyungsoo complies, open palms pressing into the counter as he raises his ass, curves his back and lets Jongin get the piece off.

The brunet is still fully clothed, while Kyungsoo is only wearing his boxers as of now, socks slid off too by Jongin’s eager hands that pinch around and make Kyungsoo laugh when one hand lightly tickles his feet - because Jongin can feel how Kyungsoo starts tensing the more heated the situation gets.

‘’C’mere,’’ he hums, and Kyungsoo, with light color on his cheeks, wiggles up again.

Jongin hoists him up in his embrace and supports Kyungsoo’s ass with one hand beneath, lewdly squeezing it just to hear Kyungsoo laugh into his ear.

The elder clings koala-style to Jongin, breathlessly complaining about being lifted because he thinks he’s too heavy or Jongin is going to break his spine and fall during the way up the stairs, but Jongin tunes it out and bites Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo buries his face in the side of Jongin’s throat then, feeling his gut get drenched in heat from the way his erection is pressing into Jongin’s hip. How he in return can feel a bulge prominently dig between his clothed ass cheeks from how Jongin is holding him close, pressing him a little down on it.

Jongin goes ahead, picking the bag up in the hallway on the way, nearly loosing Kyungsoo in the process because he stumbles over his own shoes there.

The tour up the stairs is surprisingly easy, with Kyungsoo clinging until it hurts in fear of being dropped and Jongin laughing, saying he has  _these_   _guns_  for a reason.

Kyungsoo wheezes when he’s thrown onto the bed once they make it to his room, his form flumping there and the bed creaking when Jongin hops on it too, crawling over Kyungsoo with a ridiculously light giggle compared to his normal voice.

He deposits the bag next to Kyungsoo, and the bed is a three-quarter at least, but not as big as Jongin’s.

They stay like that for a while, with Jongin sheepishly smiling above the other, not doing anything but nosing around, blowing a raspberry on Kyungsoo’s throat and down lower.

Kyungsoo yells and tries to kick him off, but Jongin persists until the elder is laughing and his stomach is cramping.

He’s puffing out small breaths and fading laughter when Jongin finally lowers down, pressing them together, seated between Kyungsoo’s thighs, his cock nudging into Kyungsoo’s stomach so that Kyungsoo ends up swallowing thickly, remembering the circumstances.

‘’You’re still… still wearing your clothes,’’ he points out, dragging lightly in Jongin’s shirt, arching his brows.

Jongin makes an  _‘oh’_  sound, as if he forgot he has to undress too.

‘’Sit back and enjoy the view,’’ he jokes with a naughty smile, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

His hands fidget beside him and he takes the nearest pillow and hugs it to his chest, peeking up from behind it as he observes Jongin who starts taking his shirt off.

Kyungsoo likes Jongin’s lean torso, his broad shoulders and how the shadows sculpt his sharp features since the only light in the room is the lamp on Kyungsoo’s bed stand.

He likes how soft the skin is, its tan color and how Jongin’s abdominal muscles scrunch when Kyungsoo reaches forward and drags light fingertips down the bridge between.

Jongin in return has always said that he likes how fair Kyungsoo’s skin is, praises his body even if

Kyungsoo is caught between thinking of himself as too skinny or too pudgy around the hips, but Jongin likes him, says he’s just how he’s supposed to be and always spends some extra time kissing Kyungsoo’s stomach.

Kyungsoo especially likes walking around in underwear whenever possible just to see how Jongin closes his legs and sends the stink-eye.

‘’I’ve-‘’ Jongin has raised himself off the bed and is tugging his pants down and socks too, ‘’dreamt of this – a lot.’’

Kyungsoo perks up. ‘’About this?’’

Jongin has a wide smile on his face, one that’s almost too big. ‘’About being with you, having you. That… that you’re mine, and I’m yours,’’ he slips his underwear down as well.

Kyungsoo has to remember that he’s allowed to look, though he turns warm all over and his gaze flickers repeatedly up and down, his legs closing due to the surge there when he sees how hard

Jongin is, his cock bobbing a bit in the air and curving upwards midair then, swollen and thick.

‘’I’m so in love with you,’’ Jongin then says, and Kyungsoo’s gaze goes up again to look him in the eyes.

Jongin looks visibly happy, and he crawls onto the bed again. ‘’I’m so in love with you that this feels like a dream come true.’’

Kyungsoo feels himself wiggle from the blossom in his chest, and he clutches the pillow tighter and buries his face there, barely refraining from screaming into the fabric.

Jongin peeks over, lowering the pillow a bit. ‘’Are you trying to hide from me?’’ he murmurs, and Kyungsoo whines into the pillow and holds it tighter.

‘’Too bad,’’ Jongin snatches it away and replaces it with his own face, bumping foreheads with a glazy eyed Kyungsoo, ‘’you can’t,’’ he prowls ahead and Kyungsoo is grinning stupidly.

They kiss again, and end up doing so for the next minutes because they tend to get too much into it and forget everything else.

‘’You know,’’ Kyungsoo says between lingering kisses, ‘’that I love you too, right?’’ Jongin stills, drumming his fingers on Kyungsoo’s thigh.

‘’A lot,’’ Kyungsoo adds. ‘’Very… very much,’’ he mutters, holding the gaze. Jongin takes a deep breath. ‘’I do.’’

They manage to get Kyungsoo’s underwear off as well, and it seems that something has changed in the atmosphere.

Kyungsoo lets Jongin lean closer, much closer, and they end up rutting a bit, testing and grinding with Jongin breathing against Kyungsoo’s throat and Kyungsoo kissing Jongin’s temple, soft moans and breathy outbursts filling the room along with small creaks.

‘’It’s strawberry flavored?’’ Kyungsoo sounds amazed, holding a bottle up in front of him when Jongin has rustled with the content of the bag, where he has drawn too many packs of condoms out and the bottle too after the small grinding session.

Jongin arches a brow. ‘’Yeah, but that’s for another time, you’ll see.’’

It takes a while before Kyungsoo gets it, and his jaw turns pink and he mutters a small  _‘ok’_.

Jongin takes it slow, as he always does.

He’s patient with Kyungsoo during these circumstances, even if there are times where he can tug, pull, and wants it fast and hard and likes biting along with showers of lewd kisses during foreplay.

It’s a simple position, with Jongin still seated between Kyungsoo’s legs, half perched on his shins as he’s leaning over and down, foreheads pressed together while he looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo is still on his back, twisting every now and then and thighs clenching when Jongin presses his fingers in and starts thrusting two in and out.

Not much is different from what they usually do or feel, except they aim to go a stage deeper, and Kyungsoo can feel that he’s becoming rather excited than nervous.

Jongin crooks his fingers a bit, likes it when Kyungsoo arches off the mattress and Kyungsoo’s breath becomes erratic, eyes shutting and then opening with a flutter of his eyelashes, pupils blown and lips swollen, red and pretty – glossed with spit.

He’s got one hand on Jongin’s bicep, holding on, saying that Jongin should add another, hurry up – because they’ve reached the part where it feels good.

Jongin starts angling his fingers in another way, sliding them knuckles-deep in in a quick motion, lingering there, then drawing out to continue the slow pace, only heightening it when Kyungsoo kisses him and asks with a soft  _‘please’._

It’s intimate, with Jongin almost rocking a bit with the motion of his hand as he adds a third and Kyungsoo’s hole clenches around him, tight and warm.

Jongin’s gaze has always been intimate too, because Kyungsoo knows that Jongin is a passionate person, and has come to figure that he’s a passionate lover too, because he always looks – he always  _gazes_ and drinks what’s before him, eyes never veering off the track if the matter is about Kyungsoo.

He pins Kyungsoo with his attentive eyes, the way he makes Kyungsoo feel warm and tender inside, seen and loved for whatever it is Jongin sees.

It’s when a sizzling feeling starts to coil in Kyungsoo’s gut that he stops Jongin, muttering a soft

‘’ready,’’ breathing out and then in, ‘’I’m ready.’’

The nervousness has ebbed away somehow, and Jongin rolls a condom on, the second one, because he got a little too eager and tore the first apart, but they take it easy with private smiles and continuous body contact.

‘’Okay,’’ Jongin says, he settles above Kyungsoo, and with one hand guides his cock down to Kyungsoo’s entrance, inching closer. ‘’Okay,’’ he says again, as if he has to convince himself that

this is real.

‘’You ready?’’ he asks.

Kyungsoo nods, anticipating. ‘’Will it hurt?’’ he asks.

Jongin furrows his brows; a serious look in his eyes all of sudden.

‘’You won’t be able to poop for a month.’’

He whines when he’s smacked on the side of his arm, and Kyungsoo bids in with an affronted  ** _‘’Jongin!’’_**

Jongin laughs and eskimo kisses Kyungsoo, rubbing their nose tips together. ‘’It might ache a bit, but it’ll feel good in the end, I think.’’

‘’You  _think_?’’

Before Jongin can answer Kyungsoo huffs and tugs in his wrist. ‘’Just get in me already.’’

The breach aches a bit at first, but Kyungsoo takes it well, holding on to Jongin for support. His in- and exhaling is in a slow and sure pattern, though it hitches a bit once Jongin has slid all the way in, and Kyungsoo’s stomach is convulsing.

The lube makes the slide easier, and Kyungsoo is already warmed up, though Jongin is a bigger fit than the fingers.

Jongin makes a low sound; teeth gritted a bit as he settles. ‘’You’re really tight,’’ he mutters, but it doesn’t sound like he minds – it rather seems like he is fighting against rutting in again to get some more friction.

Kyungsoo holds Jongin closer, and he hasn’t said anything yet, lower lip wobbling a bit and chest heaving up and down.

‘’You okay?’’ Jongin asks, voice soft, kissing his boyfriend’s open mouth.

Kyungsoo nods, and then wiggles a bit, bidding a raspy ‘’move,’’ hands smoothening out along Jongin’s biceps and then his back, settling there, fingernails lightly dragging.

Jongin moves, and the first slide in and out is foreign – feels strange but makes a low moan seep through Kyungsoo’s teeth as his eyes flutter shut, though he tries to open them again to keep the eye contact.

Jongin starts with shallow thrusts, and the bed creaks softly with the doings, Kyungsoo pressing into the mattress each time.

Soft squelches come from the actions, a light slide, and Kyungsoo’s voice cracks over, another prolonged moan erupting when Jongin picks the speed up a bit and huddles closer, leaning down so that their chests are almost aligned and his back is crooked to reach down.

Jongin snakes his arms around Kyungsoo between Kyungsoo’s back and the mattress, hugging him close as he halts for a second and slowly presses in till Kyungsoo’s toes are curling and Kyungsoo lightly does a spasm against him and lets out a choked sound.

Then the younger moves again, with encouragement from Kyungsoo who drags some nails down Jongin’s back and clutches to get closer. Jongin pistons his hips until a sound of skin on skin erupts, and otherwise their loud, intimate panting lingers between them and the lack of space there.

Kyungsoo’s in- and exhaling becomes punctured for each thrust when he whispers that Jongin should go faster, a little harder, and that it’s good, so good.

It’s better than what Kyungsoo has expected, especially when Jongin does a jut with his pelvis and grazes something nice, something that makes Kyungsoo cry out and bury his face in the side of Jongin’s throat as they’re tightly fit together, with Jongin groaning and puffing out warmth against the shell of Kyungsoo’s ear.

Jongin follows the earlier motion and does it again, finding a comfortable and faster rhythm until the both of them are rutting, no longer with proper draws but back to shallow thrusting again as Jongin whispers that he’s close, Kyungsoo too.

He slides a hand down between them though, withdrawing just a bit so that he can grab Kyungsoo’s cock and time the stroking with the thrusting.

They indulge in a sloppy open-mouthed session of kissing with teeth clacking, even if none of them can mind it, and they settle to breathe into each other’s mouths when the climax draws near.

Kyungsoo is silent when he comes, with a shaky whine that is dulled and comes from the back of his throat, while Jongin does a few frantic end thrusts and then stutters to an end, a prolonged moan easing into Kyungsoo’s mouth, followed by smaller pecks and some more kissing as they ebb out of the haze.

They slump down, and Jongin slips out and rolls the condom off, settles them onto their sides, tangling their legs as they catch their breath.

Kyungsoo’s mouth feels dry, and he’s exhausted, but mellow and tingly inside, and now his fingers can do as they want – to touch, to hold, to take and to give.

‘’Was it okay?’’ Jongin whispers and Kyungsoo returns it with the words: ‘’the best’’.

He’s not sure why it is that they’re whispering, maybe because if they talk too loud they’ll snap out of their little bubble of intimacy, their own little world where it’s just the two of them, where their eyes lock in another one of those long gazes.

It’s warm and sweaty between them, but Kyungsoo doesn’t mind. He brushes some bangs out of Jongin’s eyes and cups his cheek, stroking a thumb over one high cheekbone.

‘’I’m glad,’’ he says, pausing to take a shaky, overwhelmed breath, ‘’that you exist.’’

A strangled sound, a mix between a squeal and a groan comes from the back of Jongin’s throat and he nuzzles into the hand, biting at the side until Kyungsoo is pinching his cheek in return.

Kyungsoo knows he might be a little cheesy – a sap too.

All he knows is that he has Jongin in his sheets, and that’s just how it’s supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposted

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted


End file.
